Divorce in Malaysia

Malaysia has a high rate of divorce, specially among the Muslims, and it is not difficult to see why --  Islam. The world's most sexually restrictive religion does not allow couples to date and so they go into marriage blind-folded, so to speak. Not having got to know your partner beforehand you wake up one day to discover that you have ended up with the wrong person. Divorce. aziz anom

The zionist settlements on the west bank.

I say let the Zionist gangsters continue to build their settlements, for they are not going to be able to use them for long. Sooner than anyone thinks they are going to be dragged out of them so that the Palestinians now languishing in refugee camps can take over. aziz anom

Pope, the clown

I just can't help breaking out in laughter whenever I see the king of the catholics -- the Pope -- as he parades around in his outlandish "fancy dress costume" with a silly headgear. That this clown, this protector of child rapists, should be able to exert so much influence on so many people is remarkable. When will the Roman Catholics wake up to the fact that they are being duped by their masturbating, sex-crazed priests!    aziz anom

Eating dates for frequent urination.

Are you bothered by an urge to urinate at night, making you get up several times from your bed? I have a suspicion that eating dates will solve your problem. Give it a try and let me know if it has worked.

Keep away from Kuwait Airways.

You might have come across my site about Kuwait Airways with the title "Kuwait Airways -- probably the worst airline". Well, recently I have received a couple of badly written letters from some religious nuts, presumably Kuwaitis, decrying the use of alcohol by me and defending their primitive family values and shifting the blame for my damaged luggage to India. Let me tell these idiots that the people of South India where I travelled to are far more honest than the crooks populating the Persian Gulf (I know that from personal experience) and that if they want to look for drunkards (and fornicators) they should look no further than their corrupt rulers who, as soon as they leave their country, grab a bottle of whiskey and a sexy whore.

Julian Assange, victim of America's dirty tricks.

Any well informed person would tell you that the charges of rape filed against him in Sweden are false. We all know how the CIA and the Pentagon have behaved in the past and it is no surprise that they are now out to discredit Mr. Assange for exposing their blatant lies about the war in Afghanistan.   aziz anom

Why doesn't Allah save the Pakistanis?

Ever wonder why God (Allah to the Muslims) doesn't care about the Muslims, even though they pray, fast, perform pilgrimages to Mecca and do other pious things? Look around the world today and you see Muslims suffering everywhere -- Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia and now Pakistan where floods have ravaged the country, bringing misery to millions. What is Allah thinking? Is he perhaps dissatisfied with the followers of Islam who, when one considers their practices, essentially treat Him as a buffoon who loves to be flattered and cajoled into giving favors and who considers sharia as a humane set of laws and who treats women, our mothers, as garbage? Surely this Allah must be very angry with the Muslims and now doesn't care a hoot what happens to them.   Some angry Muslim would probably write to me to say that it is not just the Muslims who are suffering, citing the case of Haiti. Sure, I say, it is not just the Muslims who treat God as a buffoon. I am simply writing here about the Muslims because they are such fanatics when it comes to religion and because they consist of a very large proportion of humanity. aziz anom

Zardari flies while Pakistan drowns.

The criminal Zardari has once again shown what a bastard he is. While Pakistan drowns in the floods, he trots around Europe in his private plane visiting a chateau in the south of France which he bought with the money he stole from his countrymen. Here are some jokes which illustrate the hatred Pakistanis feel towards him:   Long lines A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line. "Did you manage to kill him", everyone asks him. "No, that line is longer than this one", he replies.    Robber meets Zardari Robber: "Give me all your money!" Zardari: "Don't you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari." Robber: "OK. Give me all my money."   TV anchor announcing: Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters."   aziz anom

A dim-wit meets a jail-bird.

That's a reference to a meeting that took place between Sarah Palin of the US and Asif Zardari of Pakistan. aziz anom

The obnoxious Israelis

Those of you who have travelled around a lot and stayed in guest houses and hotels would undoubtedly have come across the phenomenon of the unpopularity of Israeli tourists amongst the owners of such establishments. Israelis are simply unwelcome because of their aggressive, rude and quarrelsome behaviour and because of their stinginess. What causes this behaviour? Well, one could put forward a hypothesis here and see how it goes. Once upon a time, early in the last century, a group of European Jews calling themselves Zionists hit upon the idea of creating a Jewish homeland in Palestine on the grounds that there was a state of Israel there some two thousand years ago (it was conveniently overlooked that the Jews were originally immigrants to Palestine, their race having begun with a chap called Abraham who resided in what is now Iraq). We can divide the European Jews of the time into good guys and bad guys. The good guys (along with all the civilized world) were horrified at the thought of establishing a state in a region where the Arabs already lived, forming more than 90% of the population. It would be highly immoral, they said. The bad guys didn't give a damn for this opinion and began to move to Palestine with the blessing of the wily British who even issued a document called the Balfour Declaration which went something like this: "His Majesty's government views with favour the establishment of a Jewish homeland in Palestine..." The other European nations also were in favour of Israel in Palestine; primarily because there was no love lost between them (Christians) and the Muslims; and also because they wanted to see the back of the Jews (a case of killing two birds with one stone). And so it was that the good guys stayed where they were or went to other places -- mostly to America, especially to the big apple (New York) -- while the bad guys poured into Palestine, driving away the Arabs from their homes and lands and turning them into refugees in miserable camps. Today the bad guys continue to terrorize the Palestinians, killing them off whenever it suits them, torturing them, demolishing their homes, laying waste their agricultural lands and building walls between them. It's called crimes against humanity but the world, under the leadership of religious people like Bush and Blair, looks the other way, preferring instead to wage wars against those who would put an end to Zionism. The bad guys therefore have free reign to continue to commit their atrocities and have lots of time left over to travel the world as tourists where they just can't help revealing themselves for what they are -- bad guys. aziz anom

General Wesley Clark --another biased American.

Do these American politicians and generals really believe in the garbage they spit out on Aljazeera? The latest was General Wesley Clark who on the program Fault Lines could not understand (or pretended to) why Iran wanted to pick a fight with the Zionists and why it was pursuing a nuclear weapons program. Let us tell this idiot that if Israel, North Korea, Pakistan and India have the bomb then it is understandable that Iran too should want one, if only as a deterrent. Is he deaf to the threats to attack that country coming out of his country and from occupied Palestine? Yes Iran, unlike the traitors who rule most of the Arab world, does want to send the Zionists packing back to where they came from and if he does not understand that then he should go back to school and study a little bit of history. aziz anom

Iran tries to stone a woman to death.

What kind of human beings would subject an Iranian woman to be pelted with stones until she died? Would you be able to do it? I know I wouldn't. But ask a fanatical Muslim and he would say that this is what sharia law demands and since sharia is from god it cannot be questioned. There is little point in arguing with these idiots, telling them that such barbaric practices have no place in any society, Muslim or non-Muslim, and certainly not for an act of adultery. They will come up with some lame excuse or another to justify their cruel behavior.    Coming up with lame excuses is very common among Muslims, specially among those who pretend to be educated. I have received one or two letters from such people who have read my websites and I can tell you that their arguments are laughable. I simply ignore them with contempt.   To say that sharia is from god is to insult god, if he does exist. And if god is revengeful, as Muslims believe he is, then surely these pious Muslims can themselves expect to be stoned in the hereafter. aziz anom

brazil's jails

Recently there was a program on TV about the horrific conditions in Brazil"s prisons. It made me sick. I am sure such conditions prevail in most prisons of the third world. What are politicians in those countries thinking? Do they expect the criminals to somehow get reformed under those inhumane conditions or they just want to forget about them and let them rot till they die?   A better solution to the problem of crime in my opinion is to abolish all prisons, give the criminals on conviction a few lashes on the back side and let them do slave labour in a factory or on a farm while at the same time teaching them appropriate behavior in a special school. Just think how much money society would save by employing such a method and the speed with which these people would be inclined to become better citizens? aziz anom

Turkey should cut all ties with Israel.

Turkey recalled its ambassador from the Zionist state after the attack in international waters on the Gaza aid flotilla. Now Turkey says it will not send its envoy back until the Zionists apologized for their outrageous behavior. What?! I exclaimed to myself when I heard that. Were the Turks really willing to do that after all those fiery speeches they made just a short time back? Do they have such short memories? So this is my message to them:   Wake up, you wimps, you don't want any more relations with that bastard state, not now, not under any circumstances. If you don't cut off all ties with it you will lose all the respect you have gained after that horrific incident on the high seas. Demand that the Zionists be punished -- no, go even further, tell them, like that grand old lady, Helen Thomas, did, that they are occupiers of Palestine and that they should go back home to Poland, Germany, America and elsewhere. aziz anom

Is anti-Israel the same as anti-Semite?

Why can't the morons on the Fox channel and other American media get it into their heads that just because someone has made a remark against Israel it does not mean that he is an anti-Semite? aziz anom

Helen Thomas, a woman to be admired.

What the hell is wrong with telling the truth? It seems that in America Zionism is as sacred as the bible, perhaps more so because people nowadays, if they talk about Christianity at all, do come up with negative comments about the "sacred" book and hardly anyone raises an eyebrow. But say anything unflattering about the Jewish state and you are castigated vehemently, like Helen Thomas was.   She told the truth about that odious state, that the Zionists are occupiers of that land and that they should "get the hell out of Palestine." Now she has to pay the price for her honesty and give up her job.   The real power in America resides obviously not in the White House but in the Israel lobby, that vile collection of rich gangsters posing as Americans but working for a foreign state.    aziz anom

The zionist criminals must be taught a lesson.

This illegal state of Israel, created with the blessing of Islam-hating west, has to be removed from the face of the earth. It is a danger not only to the Arabs but to all decent people around the globe. Not satisfied with robbing the Palestinians of their land these obnoxious animals continue to terrorize anyone who does not accept their distorted point of view, as we just saw in the Mediterranean with ships carrying supplies to Gaza. It is now time for everyone to face the fact that there is a devil in their midst and they have to stop talking and start acting.   aziz anom

Pakistan, an area of pitch darkness

Pakistan has just announced the blocking of 800 websites because of their "blasphemous" content. I suppose that would include this blog as well. All this comes as no surprise to me for I have long held the view that that country is one of the most backward in the world, primarily because of their obsession with religion which makes them intolerant of other viewpoints. It does not occur to them that they might be wrong, that Islam might not be from god, that it was perhaps the brainchild of Muhammad himself. Deprived of a proper education a Pakistani is unable to think independently of his society, unable to search for the truth. All he wants is the Quran, the Hadith and the Sharia. The result -- this insane blocking of websites.   Any muslim who wants to learn about the origin of his religion should read MUHAMMAD by Maxime Rodinson. Aziz anom

Ghost again

The other night, while I slept alone in my locked room, a hand touched my arm. I awoke with a start. I looked around but there was no one. Incidents like this convinces me more and more that there is another dimension to life about which we human beings know little about. If you too have experienced similar happenings, feel free to tell me about them. aziz anom

Doctors warn against wearing Hijab/Burka

Hijab and burka-wearing Muslim women are putting their health at risk because they do not get enough sunlight, doctors have warned aziz anom

Islamic headscarves and burqas

Muslims (benighted, most of them) say that their women are following their religion when they hide their hair and faces. What I would like to ask is why some 30 or 35 years ago hardly any Muslim female in for example Malaysia or Iran had herself covered? Did Islam suddenly change? Of course not! Which means the change came about because Muslim's beliefs changed, mostly beliefs of Muslim men who somehow felt threatened by female sexuality. It is these uneducated men who have begun to suppress their women-folk and now these poor women think that it is Islam that forbids them from looking attractive. I hope more countries would follow Belgium's example and make it illegal for any woman to wear such outrageous "costumes". aziz anom

Blair in Malaysia

Why didn't Muslim Malaysia arrest Blair while he was there? This bastard should have been charged with war crimes in Iraq. Do Muslims stand a chance of getting some kind of justice in this world when their fellow-Muslims let them down like this?

Who is behind the bombings in Iraq?

Before the American invasion of Iraq the people of that country did not attach any importance to being a Sunni or a Shia. Even now I don't think they care what sect their fellow Iraqis belong to. The popular perception is that it is the outsiders who are creating the division between the two people and the finger is usually pointed at Al-Quida. But why should Osama bin Laden be so interested in creating such a mess in a Muslim country when his avowed enemies have always been America and Israel and the Arab leaders he considers traitors, leaders such as Mubarak and the Abdullas. What could he possibly gain by killing ordinary citizens of Iraq? The answer in my view is that it is not he who is behind the suicide bombings but some other outside force -- and that force is Israel! The Zionists have been known to employ every dirty trick in the book to keep a Muslim country from developing and becoming strong enough to help the Palestinian people regain their lost land. It serves their interest to keep Iraq in chaos and what better way to do that than to sow dissension between the Shias and the Sunnis. It was after all the Zionists who prodded America to invade Iraq in the first place and is now prodding them to do the same to Iran. Check out the following website: http://www.iamthewitness.com/Bollyn/Bollyn-Balkanize_Iraq.html

Catholic criminal priests

After the sex abuse scandal surrounding the Vatican, does anyone now really believe that religious people around the world are worthy of respect? All the scums in the churches, temples and mosques should be dragged out and exposed for what they are. The world would then be a much safer and a healthier place.

Doctors get permission to kill 32 million more Americans.

As noted elsewhere on this blog, whenever doctors are unavailable for treating patients the death rate among these patients drops. You wouldn't expect that, would you? But that's what happens. That is because doctors are largely treating the symptoms of a disease. They haven't a clue what is causing the disease because their training has not focused on diet and exercise. So don't think this new health reform in America will help the hitherto uninsured people. It will more likely expedite their journey to the hereafter. aziz anom

Was Israel behind the 9/11 attacks?

Check out this web page:

http://whatreallyhappened.com/WRHARTICLES/fiveisraelis.html

A zionist insult to the Americans

Have the Americans lost all self-respect? The Israelis gave Joe Biden a slap in the face regarding settlements on occupied west bank and still all the Americans could do was to go softly softly on their miscreant friend. Have they no shame, these Yankees? When will they realize that the Zionists are a burden on them and continuing to tolerate their vile deeds will only serve to bring on another "9/11". aziz anom

Fake inquiry into the Iraq war

Why is it that every time the British conduct an inquiry into the criminal behavior of Jesus-loving Blair, it ends up with a whitewash and the Chilcot thing going on now is headed that way too. Surely there are some decent people in Britain who could have been picked for the inquiry, people who were devoted to truth, people who were not beholden to any politician or the government! aziz anom

passport fraud in Dubai

The west created and supported Israel. Now, it seems, their creation has turned into Frankenstein which has come back to haunt them. Europeans and Australians, whose passports the Zionists forged to murder a Hamas man in Dubai, want answers but don't seem to be getting any from their criminal friend. Serves them right. aziz anom

Is sufism a mild or a wild form of Islam?

Sometime back I attended a wedding of the son of a cousin in Colombo, Sri Lanka. The cousin had become a Sufi and he took us to one of his Sufi gatherings where they were jumping about like madmen and shouting "Allah O Akbar" (God is great), presided over by a visiting sheik from somewhere. I found it hilarious. To get some idea of what I saw I give you the video below. The music here has obviously been superimposed on the chanting but who knows, these screwballs might actually have had it on, mosque or no mosque.

To those of you who know a little about Islam it might appear as though these fellows are making a mockery of their religion. If Allah existed what do you think he would say to all this? I think his response would go something like this:

"Look here, you fools, there is no need to tell me that I am great. I know I am! Flattering me as if I were a child will not get you into heaven. It will get you into the other place."

My apologies to the cousin.

genocide of armenians and native americans

Turkey is angry that the American congress has passed a resolution describing as "genocide" the killing of Armenians by the ottoman Turks a century ago. I say to the Turks: instead of being angry, you bloody fools, pass a resolution of your own telling the holier than thou Americans that they themselves have committed genocide -- against the native Americans, not to mention the enslaving of the Africans. aziz anom

Mosab Hassan Yousef, a Palestinian puppet of Israel

The eldest son of a founding member of the Palestinian organization, Hamas, has said he worked as a spy for Israel for more than ten years. I first heard about this fellow on the BBC and found it hard to believe his story, not because he did the Zionist's dirty work (there have been quite a few Arabs like him before) but because of his attacks on Islam and his conversion to Christianity. On Fox TV he went even further by saying that while he was in an Israeli prison he witnessed Hamas members torturing other Hamas inmates. I was convinced then that this traitor to his own people was not telling the whole truth, that he was very likely saying what his Israeli masters wanted him to say. aziz anom

Clinton's double standard.

Hillary Clinton came out unscathed from a recent meeting sponsored by Aljazeera, with a bunch of mostly meek Arabs in the audience. After watching this, one no longer wonders why the Arabs are such losers. The question that nobody put to this bitch should have been this: You are so keen to punish Iran for its nuclear activities but are not willing to lift a finger at the Zionists for breaking so many international laws. Why this double standard? aziz anom

The myth of democracy

How many countries are really democratic? Not many, I would say. Apart from western Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Canada the rest are more or less autocratic.  Notice that I have not included the United States among the democracies. The reason for that should be obvious to anyone who has some interest in politics but let's mention a few things about that country: if you are not loaded with money, don't belong to one of the two parties (Republicans or Democrats), have no major TV station to back you up, your policies run counter to the big corporations, are not married, aren't religious and don't support Israel, you have absolutely no hope of entering the white house or the congress. aziz anom

Osama and obama

Imagine if these two guys had switched their positions -- Osama becoming the president of the U,S. and Obama taking the leadership of Al-Quida. You would think that there would be a dramatic change in world politics. Well, not exactly. What is likely to happen is that the Zionist lobby would immediately murder Osama  before he could even open his mouth to drink a cup of tea (cheered on no doubt by the Fox News Channel); while Obama, no matter what he says about "change you could believe in" would simply be laughed at for being such a hypocrite and subjected to a session of intense Islamic preaching until he can no longer take it and embraces Islam. aziz anom

Haiti and Gaza

American presidents, past and present, are scrambling to help Haiti, which is of course a good thing. But are they really touched by the suffering of the Haitian people or are they just putting on a show? I say it's all humbug, for think of their reaction or lack of it to the other "earthquake" that rammed the people of Gaza when the Zionist thugs dropped bombs and chemicals on everyone and everything, committing a heinous war crime. There wasn't a single finger raised to protect and help those people; indeed the Americans as well as the Europeans cheered the thugs on and they are still cheering, leaving the people of Gaza to keep on suffering to this very day. Are the Haitians more human than the people of Gaza? Go figure. aziz anom

Allah and the Malaysian muslims

Muslims are probably some of the most ignorant people on earth in modern times, which is why it was so easy to convert them to Islam in the first place. I mean what knowledgeable person with even a modicum of education would want to convert to this religion if he had been able to read and understand the Quran and if he knew a little about the story of Muhammad. Do the Muslims in Malaysia know that Allah simply means god in Arabic and that that name was used by the pagans of Arabia to refer to their pre-Islamic god which they worshiped around the Kaaba. The Christians of Malay speaking Malaysia and Indonesia have also been using Allah for centuries to refer to their god. So there is no excuse whatsoever for Muslim mobs to indulge in the bombing of churches over this issue. aziz anom

Obama, a fake and a fraud.

The more I come across anything about Obama, the more I hate the bastard. A fine speech-maker but boy what a fake, what a fraud. I saw through him the moment he took office, as noted in this blog elsewhere. Does anyone now think that this skeleton of a man would be re-elected? Well, judging by the education level of the American people, he might very well be, in the same way Bush was. America, unlike Europe, is obsessed with religion. Any country that is religious is immature and lacking in knowledge. I am referring here to the general population and not to the few scientists and thinkers who have made America strong and powerful economically and militarily. aziz anom

Letter to aljazeera's empire program

Mr. Marwan,   In your recent edition of EMPIRE I was hoping that somebody on your panel would raise the question whether Israel's very existence on Palestinian soil was legitimate or not, but unfortunately nobody did, including you Mr. Marwan. There is much talk everywhere, including on Aljazeera, about two state solution, etc. This is like saying that the robber who has occupied part of your house has a right to remain there. I say that a criminal act cannot and must not be rewarded; that the criminal must be punished. The Zionists therefore must dismantle their state and go back to the countries they came from. That is the only solution that is just.     I don't know what you believe about Israel's so-called victories on the battlefield. Those victories were the result of active western military support. My accidental research has revealed just that. Please check out my site at:  http://rbt.tripod.com/index-12.html   Best wishes, aziz anom

fraudulent women

One has to be very careful when trying to make a woman who appears to be attractive or beautiful. She might not be that at all under the make-up she invariably puts on. In fact she might be positively ugly. This is plain and simple fraud on their part. Don't these lasses realize that the man will sooner or later find out what they really look like and then it will be one hell of a shock for him, very likely making him take to his heels, leaving them back on square one.

Tiger Woods gets horny

The story of Tiget Woods having multiple affairs should teach us all that no matter how beautiful ones wife may be there comes a time in a man's life when he craves sex with other females. One simply gets bored doing it with the same woman. There has to be variety in our lives, meaning that the institution of marriage is unnatural. Muhammad, the founder of Islam, knew that. The problem with him was that he limited to four the number of women each of his male followers could have whereas he himself slept with as many as he wanted. What a selfish man. Also he ignored the needs of his female followers by denying them the right also to screw with four men. aziz anom

Warmonger Obama wins Nobel peace prize

Who are these idiots sitting in Oslo with peace prizes to hand out. They could have seen through this hypocrite, Obama, in the early days of his presidency, if not during the presidential campaign. Did they really believe that he was a peace maker?   This bastard has broken nearly all his promises and simply continued with the horrendous policies of that criminal Bush. He does not deserve this Nobel peace prize. What he deserves is a whack on his head and for good measure a doze of water-boarding until he admits that he is only interested in his own survival. But he won't survive for long. Four years in the Oval office is all he will get, for no one is more hated than a hypocrite.  aziz anom

religion 3

The New Statesman of Britain.

You would think that the New Statesman, a left leaning publication, would welcome criticism of the crimes committed by the Zionists, that it would tolerate the view that the illegal state of Israel should be dismantled and that the Jews that settled there should go back to the countries they came from. But no. It would not publish such a comment on their online edition, which goes to show that no matter how far to the left you might be, a westerner still wants the Palestinians to continue to suffer the loss of their land. It all boils down to the all-pervasive hatred of the Muslims, I guess.

Ghosts

Have you ever experienced any super-natural events? Well, I have.   The first time was when I was about 6 or 7 years old. This was way back in the early forties, well before hovering machines such as helicopters were invented, which would have explained what I saw floating above the roof of our house in Ranavav, India. I felt as though someone inside that object was watching me. I don't know why but I remember wanting to throw a stone at the thing (yes, it was so close above me). I don't think I threw anything and my memory at that point goes blank.   The second time was years later in the nineties in northern Thailand in a town called Tat Panom. I had arrived as a tourist and went to a guest house recommended in the guide book. The lady owner of the house informed me that the house was full but that she had another place, and cheaper too, where she could give me a room. She took me there and I found that there was no one else staying there. All went well in the beginning with me alone in the house until I began to hear noises coming from a locked room next to the sitting room where I spent time reading and listening to music on my tape-recorder. I ascribed the noise to some rats that were running around in there. A couple of days later a man and a woman from Europe arrived to stay in the house and they were given the room from which the noises were coming. I saw that it was a normal bedroom like the one I had been given down the corridor and there certainly were no rats. This couple had apparently stayed in the house before during their frequent trips to the town from the house they had built for themselves in the district. They knew the landlady very well and they told me a chilling story. They said that that house was haunted and the landlady knew about it. An American who had also stayed alone in the house some months before my arrival was so baffled by the noises that he had gone around the neighbourhood asking people if there had taken place in the house a murder or a suicide or something. I don't know what he found out but that very night the couple had arrived I heard, in the middle of the night, a knocking on my door. I didn't open the door. Who would want to talk to me at that hour? The couple said they certainly hadn't disturbed me, adding that they too had been woken up -- by the rattling of the chain on the front door which was near their room. They moved out a few days later. And so did I. aziz anom

Religion 2

According to a new study, prosperity is highest in countries that practice religion the least. aziz anom

Just watch this

Religion

Somebody somewhere wrote the following:   "Religion is ultimately dependent on belief in invisible beings, inaudible voices, intangible entities, undetectable forces, and events and judgments that happen after we die." aziz anom

Bollywood song 1.

How safe is your Email?

The following appeared on the internet:

"Do you think an erased email is gone forever?

We've all sent an embarrassing or unfortunate email and sighed relief when it was finally deleted, thinking the whole episode was behind us. Think again. Just because you delete an email message from your inbox and the sender deletes it from their 'Sent' inbox, does not mean that the email is lost forever. In fact, messages that are deleted often still exist in backup folders on remote servers for years, and can be retrieved by skilled professionals.
So start to think of what you write in an email as a permanent document. Be careful about what you put into writing, because it can come back to haunt you many years after you assumed it was gone forever."

Jokes 3

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

A guy walks into a bar carrying an 18" alligator.
The bartender says, "What do think you're doing? Get that goddamn thing out of here. I don't allow pets in my establishment".
The guy tries to explain. "Look he won't cause any trouble. He's well trained and I'll prove it". He then proceeds to put the alligator on the bar and says, "open".
The alligator open its mouth and you can see all of its razor sharp teeth. "Now watch this", he says and proceeds to remove his penis through his zipper and lays his balls gently onto the alligator's teeth.
He then orders a beer and proceeds to drink it. All the while the alligator keeps its mouth open and nothing happens. After finishing the beer the man gently removes his penis and puts it back into his pants.
He then says, "close" and the alligator closes its mouth. "You see he is perfectly trained. He would do that for anybody. Does anyone want to try?"
After looking around he finally here a drunk whose sitting at table say "Sure I'd like to try. But I don't know if I can keep my mouth open that long."

Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

A letter to the BBC

I was listening to your interview on Sunday the 11th with the US military spokesman in Afghanistan about why the US forced AP to erase the footage of the suicide attack on them by the Taliban. The Americans claimed that it was done in order not to compromise their investigation into the incident. What baffled me was that neither you nor your correspondent in Afghanistan put the following question to the Americans: "If you were going to investigate the incident then surely the footage would have been of great help in getting to the truth."

Despite your clumsiness the interview left no doubt that the Americans fired on innocent civilian bystanders. They have done that many times before and they are getting away with it because journalists like you don't do their jobs properly.

Have a good day.

Some interesting remarks from somewhere about marriage

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Think a little before you go through surgery.

Here is something I found somewhere:

SURGERY
Except in a life threatening situation or impending neurologic injury, surgery, with it's many possible complications, should always be a last resort and done only after all conservative treatments have been exhausted. Chronic pain is not a life-threatening situation! It can be very anxiety provoking, life demeaning, and aggravating, but it is not an emergency. Pain should not be an automatic indication that surgery is necessary. Conservative treatments such as vitamins, herbs, massage, physical therapy, chiropractic/osteopathic care, medications, and, of course, Prolotherapy, should precede any surgical intervention. Conservative care is complete only after treatment with Prolotherapy.
It is not uncommon for patients to tell us that surgery has been recommended to resolve their painful conditions. Reasons for surgery are many, but they may have nothing to do with the actual problem causing the pain!
Trying conservative treatments before undergoing surgery is only common sense. In more than 95 percent of our patients, we find that the true diagnosis of the cause of chronic pain is different than the diagnosis the patient had previously been given. Rarely will a physician describe a ligament or tendon injury as a cause of chronic pain. Ligaments and tendons often do not appear on X-rays, one of the primary diagnostic instruments of modern medicine. The diagnosis of ligament or tendon weakness cannot be made by a blood test, electrical test, or X-ray. It must be made using a listening ear and a strong thumb.
Even back in early 1981 as new and more effective methods of conservative treatment were being used (including Prolotherapy), the need for surgery was decreasing. Bernard E. Finneson, M.D., pointed out in a survey of surgical cases that "80% should not... have been brought to surgery." It is quite possible that with the widespread use of Prolotherapy this percentage would be even higher.
In more than 95 percent of pain cases, surgery can be avoided by utilizing Prolotherapy. Dr. Hemwall, having treated more than 10,000 pain patients, resorted to surgery for resolving a chronic pain complaint in only one percent of the patients.
Our experience has been similar. In the event that surgery is necessary, the previous Prolotherapy treatment will not hinder the subsequent surgical procedure. Prolotherapy causes normal ligament and tendon tissue to form. The surgeon will observe an area treated with Prolotherapy containing strengthened ligament and tendon tissue.
Surgery to alleviate chronic pain involves the removal of tissue or replacement with prosthetic joints. To alleviate chronic lower back pain, a surgeon may decide to remove a disc or cartilage tissue. The two questions to ask are, "Who put that tissue there? For what purpose?" We believe God placed disc tissue there to stablilize and cushion the lower back, and cartilage tissue in the joints so that bones glide smoothly over one another. What happens when the disc and cartilage tissue are removed? If the disc is removed, the vertebral levels above and below the surgerized segment develop proliferative arthritis. This is due to these segments having to carry more of the force than they were designed to carry in the lower back. If cartilage is removed, the bones no longer glide smoothly over one another. Soon after this, a person notices a crunching of the joint where the cartilage was removed. This crunching sound is arthritis. The end result of surgical procedures that remove cartilage, ligaments, and bone from knees, backs, and necks is often arthritis.
In 1964, John R. Merriman, M.D., compared Prolotherapy versus operative fusion in the treatment of instability of the spine and pelvis and wrote, "The purpose of this article is to evaluate the merit of two methods of treating instability of the spine and pelvis, with which I have been concerned during 40 years as a general and industrial surgeon... The success of either method depends on regeneration of bone cells to provide joint stabilization, elimination of pain and resumption of activity. Ligament and tendon relaxation occurs when the fibro-osseous junction to bone do not regain their normal tensile strength after sprain and lacerations, and when the attachments are weakened by decalcification from disease, menopause and aging."
Dr. Merriman summarized that conservative physiologic treatment by Prolotherapy after a confirmed diagnosis of ligamental and tendinous relaxation was successful in 80 to 90 percent of more than 15,000 patients treated.
Despite the many advances of modern technology, surgery is fraught with many dangers. Dr. Hemwall administered more than four million injections in over 40,000 patient visits without even one permanent injury. In the last 38 years, I do not know of any serious long term consequences from Prolotherapy. The procedure is done in the office, takes less than 20 minutes in most cases, and does not require time off from work. No pre-op type anesthesia is needed, hence no risk of serious complications due to anesthesia. Compare this to a surgical procedure, where general anesthesia is used to knock you out. There you are lying on a table, unconscious. The anesthesia alone leaves you exposed to many possible complications, including cardiac arrest, overmedication, or death. Take a look at a pre-surgical consent form some time - the risk of death is clearly laid out. If you are a healthy person, the risks are low, but common sense dictates: why take any chances when a more conservative treatment is available? Anyone given the option of surgery versus Prolotherapy should try the more conservative option first. Other reasons to avoid surgery are:
1. Rehabilitation is much longer after surgery than for more conservative treatments, sometimes requiring many days of hospitalization and months of rehabilitative therapy.
2. The cost of surgery is astronomical compared to more conservative treatments. Prolotherapy of the ankle runs a few hundred dollars, as compared to tens of thousands of dollars for ankle surgery and all of the hospitalization and rehabilitation expenses. And that's not even to mention the added cost of Prolotherapy which may still be needed if the surgery doesn't work!
3. Surgery is much more traumatic to receive. It puts a great stress on the body and can sometimes cause the patient to feel less confident using the surgerized limb.
4. Surgery irreversibly alters the patient's God-given anatomy.
5. Surgery can have all kinds of complications which cannot begin to be touched on in a book of this scope. One study of arthroscopic ankle arthrodesis (ankle fusion) showed an overall complication rate of 55 percent, including infections and continued pain.
Finally, all the surgery in the world cannot cause the new growth of healthy tendon and ligament tissue; at best, the pain may be alleviated, but for all the expense, risk, and trauma, the underlying cause of pain may never be addressed. Prolotherapy is a safe, simple, inexpensive, effective, and proven cure for chronic pain.

Jokes 2

When the new school year started the history teacher was so excited because there were three little Indian boys in her class. She was beside herself with excitement. So she asks the first little Indian boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he was from and how he knows this.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest & takes his fist and hits it on his chest. He says in a booming voice " I am a Cherokee. My Father and I walked for many moons and one day my Father says son, you see all this land. This is Cherokee land. So, I know I am a Cherokee."
The teacher says very good and asks the next little Indian boy to stand.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest & takes his fist and hits it on his chest. He says in a booming voice " I am a Comanche. My Father and I walked for many moons and one day my Father says son, you see all this land. This is Comanche land. So, I know I am a Comanche."
The teacher is growing more excited by the moment and asks the last little Indian boy to stand up.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest & takes his fist and hits it on his chest. He says in a booming voice " I am a Fuckawee".
The teacher looks dumb founded & says "I don't think there is any such tribe as the Fuckawee."
The little boy says, "My Father & I walked for many days and many nights, and many nights and many days. We ran out of water, but we kept walking. With no rest, we were getting weary. Finally, one day my Father stops and with his hand to shield the sun from his eyes, looks around.
"He said hummmm, where the Fuckawee"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was an Amish girl that had just come of age to date. Her mother was helping her get ready to go out that night.
As she was about ready she put on some gloves, because it was to be cold that night, and the Amish still ride in buggies.
Her mother asked, "why are you wearing gloves?" She continued by saying that it wasn't lady like to wear gloves.
The Girl said to her mother, "it's supposed to be cold tonight, what do I do with my hands if they get cold?"
Her mother replied, "just stick your hands between your knees, and they will get warm." So the girl agreed. Her date picked her up and they went on there way.
On their way home her hands got cold, so following her mother's orders, she stuck her hands between her knees.
Her date looked over and said, "what on earth do you have your hands between your legs for?"
She replied, "my mother told me that if my hands got cold, to stick them between my legs to get them warm."
Her date said to her, "well my dick is frozen solid do you care if I stick it between your legs to get it warm?"
The girl said, "well I don't see any harm in it." So he did.
After returning home from her date she asked her mother, "What do you know about them there dicks?"
Her mother said, "Why what do you know about dicks?"
The girl looked at her mother and said, "All I know is that when they thaw out they make an awful mess!"
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A group of Asian women were visiting a village somewhere deep in Africa when they came across a trader selling human breasts.
One of the Asian ladies asked the trader, "Why are you selling women's breasts?"
The trader replied, "Locally, we have found that consuming the flesh of a woman's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis."
Hearing with interest about the 'enlarging the penis' the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast.
"Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast."
"Give me the price of each." said the Asian lady impatiently.
"The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says, "white breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound."
The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast booth.
"Hey, not bad! Asian breasts are worth more!", said one of the Asian ladies.
"No no no, you don't understand," the trader explains, "you don't know how many Asian women we have to kill to get one pound of breast!"
.....................................................................................
The Salesman's Scoreboard

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling his wares. He is in the middle of nowhere when his car breaks down, he leaves the car and starts walking and reaches a small farm house. He knocks and a middle aged man opens the door.
The salesman asks him for a place to sleep in the night. The farmer tells that he has only one room with a bed and on that he and his wife (who turns out be gorgeous) sleep. So the salesman sleeps on the bed with the farmer and his lovely wife.
In the middle of the night the farmer's wife gets horny and asks the salesman to come over to her side and fuck her! The salesman points towards the snoring farmer and whispers, ''He'll wake up!''
The farmer's wife replies, ''He's a sound sleeper. If you don't trust me pull a hair out of his ass and you will see that he won't wake up!''
The salesman tries and the farmer does not wake up. The salesman and the farmer's wife get into a fucking session. They repeat the act several more times that night and the salesman plucks a hair out of the farmer's ass everytime he goes to fuck the wife.
Finally the farmer wakes up and says, ''Hey, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but can you stop using my ass as a scoreboard!?!''
.................................................................................
The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams.
One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"
..............................................................................
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I''ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know sh*t?"

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first.
Susie said your heart, 'cause you need it to love.
Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think.
Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet."
Confused, the pastor asked why.
Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends . One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St.Peter and said, "St.Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can't find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn''t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I'm in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn't!''

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A few weeks later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward.
"At least they're finally together."
"Excuse me, Father," says one of her sons, "but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"
"I mean her legs."

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, ''Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention ... the assembly line for the automobile changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want.'' Ford thinks to himself about it, and says, ''I want to hang out with God Himself.''
The befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, ''When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?'' God asks, ''What do you mean?'' ''Well,'' says Ford, ''You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly need repainting, and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. fuel consumption is outrageous.
...just to name a few.'' ''Hmmm ...,'' replies God, ''Hold on a minute.'' God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, ''It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were riding on an elephant. A group of bystanders were watching intently. All of a sudden someone in the croud shouted, "Hey look that elephant has two assholes on it!"
Bush and Cheney looked down at the elephants ass, confused.

A young priest was visting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn't have any soap. He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him. He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue. When the nuns came to him, one said, ''Look! A new soap dispenser!'' Another said, ''How you get the soap?'' So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ''Look! I got a bar of soap!'' said the nun. The second nun pulled on his dick.
''Look! I got liquid soap!''

Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''
George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''
And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?''

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn respectable. So he met with her one day and began slowly warming up to her.
"Oh, my child," he said, "your dress is most lovely."
"Thank you, Father," she replied.
The radio was playing and they danced a little as they talked.
"Oh, my child," said the priest, "your conversation is most lovely."
"Thank you, Father," said the prostitute.
Finally, the priest sat her down and said, "Oh, my child, there is one thing I have against you."
And the prostitute said, "Yes, I know, Father. I felt it while we were dancing."

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

Little Johnny and his father were walking down the street one day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them.
The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady.
Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag."
Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?"
"Oh, that's just another name for women," replied his dad.
"Oh, okay," said Johnny.
The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave.
While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh shit," he said.
"Daddy, what's shit?" asked Little Johnny.
"Oh, that's just another name for shaving your self," replied his father.
Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking a turkey. As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand. "Fuck!" she yells.
"Mom, what's fuck?" questionned Johnny.
"That's just another word for cooking the turkey."
"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.
All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside.
"Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady.
"Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs shitting himself and my mom's downstairs fucking the turkey."

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."

She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell."

St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."

She says, "That's okay. I've already got holes for that."

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What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

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Why do hippos do their romancing underwater? You know how hard it is to keep a five-hundred pound pussy wet? <<...

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A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."

So, he gets a cup of coffee. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"

The other guy says, "No. You can have it."

The guy takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

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How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean.

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THE LIFE OF AN EGG
==================
So you think your life is bad?
Just think how bad the life of the egg is....

You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft.
You have to share a box with 11 other guys.
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother!
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MAN AND WIFE
============
A man and his wife were driving on the highway when a state policeman appeared in their mirror, obviously wanting them to pull over. The man pulls over and the officer approaches the car:

State cop: License and registration please
Man: I'm sorry officer, what seems to be the problem?
State cop: I clocked you on radar doing 75mph.
Man: There must be some mistake, I was only going 65.
Wife: Oh Harold, you were going at least 80!
State cop: I'm also citing you for having a tail light out.
Man: But officer, I wasn't aware it was out.
Wife: Oh Harold, you know its been out for two months.
State cop: I'm also fining you for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: But officer, I just took it off as you were approaching my car.
Wife: Oh Harold, you know you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Listen you dumb cow, shut your mouth!!!
State cop: Ma'am, does he always talk to you this way?
Wife: Only when he's drunk.......
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Do nuns give oral sex?
A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance & see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fullfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

The magic of vitamin D.

The following was published somewhere on 18 September 2007.

"The virtues of Vitamin D: It's time we saw the light

There's no such thing as a cure-all, but Vitamin D comes pretty close. Jeremy Laurance explains how a little sunshine could help you live a lot longer

It may not be the first supplement to be called a "wonder vitamin", but it is one of the few to have lived up to the name. Last week, the biggest review of the role of vitamin D in health found that people who took supplements of the vitamin for six years reduced their risk of dying from all causes.

Overall mortality
It was the proof that researchers had been waiting for. Earlier studies had suggested that vitamin D played a key role in protecting against cancer, heart disease and diabetes – conditions that account for 60 to 70 per cent of all deaths in the West. The new study, by scientists from the International Agency for Research on Cancer in Lyon and the European Institute of Oncology in Milan and published in Archives of Internal Medicine, shows that it does. The review of 18 trials involving 57,000 people found that those who took the supplements had an 7 per cent lower risk of death overall during the six-year period of the study.

Edward Giovannucci, a professor of nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health, said that the research added "a new chapter in the accumulating evidence for the beneficial role of vitamin D on health". He called for a debate on the merits of "moderate sun exposure, food fortification with vitamin D and higher dose supplements for adults".
Vitamin D is important because we are often short of it. Most healthy individuals get all the vitamins and minerals they need from eating a balanced diet, but vitamin D is the exception. It is made by the action of sunlight on the skin, which accounts for 90 per cent of the body's supply. Very little comes from food.
But the increasing use of sunscreens and the decreasing amount of time spent outdoors, especially by children, has contributed to what many scientists believe is an increasing problem of vitamin D deficiency. In the winter, the sun in Britain is barely strong enough to make the vitamin, and by spring, say scientists, 60 per cent of the population is deficient (defined as a blood level below 30ng per millilitre).

Colds and flu
The traditional advice for avoiding these winter ailments has been to swallow large quantities of vitamin C. But we may have been turning to the wrong vitamin. Researchers from Winthrop University Hospital in Mineola, New York, found that giving supplements of vitamin D to a group of volunteers reduced episodes of infection with colds and flu by 70 per cent over three years. All the participants were Afro-Caribbean women whose dark skin means that they make less vitamin D. The researchers said that the vitamin stimulated "innate immunity" to viruses and bacteria. The decline in vitamin D levels between November and March could be the "seasonal stimulus" that accounts for the peak in colds and flu in the winter. "Since there is an epidemic of vitamin D insufficiency in the US, the public health implications of this observation could be great," the researchers wrote.

Heart disease
High rates of heart disease in Scotland have been blamed on the north's weak sunlight and short summers. Differences in sunlight may also explain the higher rates of heart disease in England compared with southern Europe. Some experts believe that the health benefits of life in the Mediterranean may have as much to do with the sun there as with the regional food.
A study of almost 10,000 women over 65 by the University of California found that those who took vitamin D supplements had a 31 per cent lower risk of dying of heart disease; researchers at the University of Bonn found lower levels of vitamin D in patients with chronic heart failure.
Vitamin D works by lowering insulin resistance, which is one of the major factors in heart disease. It is also used by the thyroid gland, which secretes a hormone that regulates the body's levels of calcium, which in turns helps regulate blood pressure.

Cancer
A 40-year review of research found that a daily dose of vitamin D could halve the risk of breast and bowel cancer, two of the biggest cancer killers. Scientists from the University of San Diego reviewed 63 scientific papers published since the 1960s and concluded that there was a need for "public health action" to boost vitamin D levels. They said that a daily dose of 1,000 international units (25 micrograms) was needed; the recommended level in the US is currently only 400 units. Vitamin D deficiency "may account for several thousand premature deaths from colon, breast, ovarian and other cancers annually," they wrote in the American Journal of Public Health.
The research showed that African Americans with darker skins and people living in the north-eastern US, where it is less sunny, were more likely to be deficient in vitamin D, and had higher cancer rates. This could explain why black Americans die sooner that whites from cancer, even after allowing for differences in income and access to health care.
In June, the Canadian Cancer Society recommended that adults start taking vitamin D supplements to reduce their risk of cancer.

Rickets
This is the disease traditionally linked with vitamin D deficiency. A century ago, the typical bow-legged gait of children whose bones had softened and deformed in the absence of the vitamin was a common sight. Cod liver oil, which contains vitamin D, was introduced as a welfare food in 1942 and virtually eliminated the condition. Now, rickets is reappearing. Last June, doctors in Dundee reported five cases in ethnically Asian children; dark skin produces vitamin D more slowly than lighter skin.
Vitamin D is crucial for the absorption of calcium, which is the building material for new bones. As well as leading to rickets, deficiencies can contribute to poor tooth formation, stunted growth and general ill health.
The National Institute for Clinical Excellence is consulting on a proposal to recommend supplements for certain pregnant women at risk: vegans and women who cover their skin for religious reasons. Supplements are already recommended for infants at risk, and are available free to families on income support and jobseeker's allowance.

Diabetes
Vitamin D supplements given to babies born in Finland reduced their risk of Type 1 diabetes by 80 per cent. Researchers followed 12,000 children born in 1966 until 1997 and found that those who developed rickets, indicating vitamin D deficiency, were three times more likely to become diabetic. Vitamin D is believed to act as an immunosuppressive agent, which may prevent an overly aggressive response from the immune system from destroying insulin-producing cells in the pancreas.
In Oxford, the number of five-year-olds with diabetes has increased fivefold, and the number of 15-year-olds with it has doubled. Doctors say that this increase is too steep to be caused by genetic factors, and must be due to changes in the environment. "Our research shows that an alarmingly high number of people in the UK do not get enough vitamin D," said Elina Hypoponen, from the Institute of Child Health in London, who led the Finland study. "In winter, nine out of 10 adults have sub-optimal levels."

Multiple sclerosis
The idea that sunlight might protect against MS arose because the condition is more common in countries further from the equator: gloomy Chicago has a higher rate than sunny Florida, for example. Cloudy Scotland has the highest rate of MS in the world. Scots born in May, after the long, dark winter, have an above-average risk, while those born in November, after the summer holidays, have the lowest risk.
Sir Donald Acheson, former UK Chief Medical Officer, published a study in 2004 suggesting that people who spent more time in the sun had a lower risk than those who stayed out of it. Published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, it concluded that a certain level of exposure to the sun might be necessary throughout the year.

Autism
Could vitamin D deficiency be behind the explosion in autism? John Cannell, a psychiatrist and vitamin D advocate, thinks so. The evidence is circumstantial, but Cannell says that medical advice to avoid the sun and cover up since the 1980s has paralleled the rise in autism. Flagging levels of vitamin D could be the decisive factor. Dr Richard Mills, research director at the National Autistic Society, said: "There has been speculation about autism being more common in high-latitude countries that get less sunlight, and a tie-up with rickets has been suggested – observations which support the theory."
How to get it – and how much you should take
* 90 per cent of the body's supply of vitamin D is generated by the action of sunlight on the skin.

* Vitamin D lasts for around 60 days in the body, so it needs regular topping up.

* Twenty minutes twice a week in the sun with exposed hands, arms and face is adequate to maintain reserves.

* There is no recommended supplementary dose in the UK.

* In the US, the recommended supplementary dose is 400 international units a day.

* Some scientists say that 1,000 international units of vitamin D a day may be necessary to prevent disease."

Open letter to Bill O Reilly of Fox channel

Mr. oreilly,

You rant against hecklers but aren't you guilty of that yourself? When you invite a guest on your program it is to hear his viewpoints, right? But you don't allow them to finish speaking. You interrupt them whenever they go against your extreme right-wing opinions. Remember, America is not always right. Making twisted statements, as you often do, only makes you look like a fool.

How small-minded can Asian governments get!

India:

I have talked about India elsewhere on this blog. Here is some more.

People of Indian origin like myself can apply for a special permit that would allow them to stay in India long term and leave and enter the country without further formalities. You have to prove that you were born in India by showing a birth certificate. To produce your foreign passport where it says you were born in India is unacceptable to them. Oh, no. In my case, and I am sure in the cases of a lot of other overseas Indians, the certificate got lost somewhere when India was left behind in search of greener pastures.

Now I ask you: Is it more important to produce a birth certificate or simply to prove that you were born in India? Any developed country would have accepted any proof, particularly that contained in a passport.

(2) There is an Indian visa office in Penang, Malaysia, but they only issue visas to Malaysians -- not to nationals of other countries. They told me to go to Kuala Lumpur to get a visa and if I wanted to apply for a residence permit I had to go all the way back to their embassy in Denmark. Can you beat that!

Malaysia:

There is a "My Second Home" scheme in Malaysia which allows you to settle in that country provided of course you have brought in a load of cash. The amazing thing is that you cannot walk into an immigration office, get all the forms and make your application then and there. Oh no. You have to go to a private agent who would help you with all the formalities and the agent of course does not do it for free. You have to cough up a fortune for their services.

And here's another amazing thing: You as a foreigner are not allowed to open a bank account in Malaysia; still in order to make your application you have first to show money in a Malaysian bank. There's catch 22 for you.

Thailand:

Some years ago I applied for a retiree visa and obtained it by showing 250,000 Bath and a document from the Danish consulate in Penang proving that I was a pensioner getting a certain amount every month. In Thailand you have to apply for such a visa every year. You would think that having proved everything about you the first year, that you would be sailing smoothly. But no. So the second year I applied again with the same documents as the year before. But this time the application was rejected. The document from the Danish consulate was now not acceptable; this time they wanted a document from the Danish embassy in Bangkok. I was in the city of Chiang Mai at that time and the lady head of the immigration office there simply stamped 'denied' in my passport. I wanted to tell her that I could go to Bangkok and get the required
document from the embassy. Her reply was, "You have to leave the country. We have stamped your passport. It's finished." So I left the country and when I came back with a simple tourist visa, I decided to talk to the immigration in Bangkok. The guy there told me: "If you had come to us we would have extended your retiree visa." I had to apply for it all over again but the money required had now gone up to 800,000 Bath! Amazing Thailand.

Sri Lanka:

The immigration there is so chaotic and so corrupt I don't even want to talk about it, except to say that they don't even bother to respond when you have made an application. It is as if you never applied.

Obama's Nobel prize

Did Obama deserve the Nobel peace price? Absolutely not! He has hoodwinked the American people by his fine speeches but he is no different from the international criminals who went before him in the white house.

Abbas

Recent events have proved beyond any doubt that Abbas is a puppet of the Americans and the Zionists. Let us hope that right thinking Palestinians in the Fatah party remove this bastard from the post of president and dump him where he belongs -- on the steps of the white house where he can more easily continue to lick the boots of his masters.

When did Bush and his thugs decide to invade Iraq and why?

Inscrutable Gaddafi

I have in the past considered Moamer Gaddafi of Libya as an eccentric, a man who didn't seem to know what he wanted. It was only a few days ago, after his long speech at the UN and his interview on Aljazeera, that I began to have some respect for the man. Unlike other third world leaders he had the guts to speak up against the body he was addressing, throwing away a copy of the UN charter as a piece of shit that had nothing to do with justice and fair play for all members but was something that served only the interests of the West and that of Russia and China. He called for a new body which I myself have advocated for a long time -- a body where no one had the power of the veto. I hope he succeeds in getting enough support from other countries. aziz anom

Comedian Russell Peters

A simple solution to America's "terrorist" problem

Are American politicians, from the president down, stupid? I don't think they are although it may seem that way judging from their policies and utterances. I think they know deep in their hearts that the Muslim masses do not hate America; rather they hate what America is doing: imposing despotic rulers on them who would serve America's interests instead of their own people's; and protecting Israel, no matter what evil things that criminal state does.   So there is a simple solution to America's problems with the Muslims -- a solution that will not cost a dime to the Pentagon as regards "terrorism". And that is:   DO NOT INTERFERE IN OTHER COUNTRIES AFFAIRS.   STOP SIDING WITH THE ZIONISTS. REMEMBER THAT THE CREATION OF ISRAEL WAS A CRIME AGAINST THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE AND THE MUSLIMS WOULD NEVER FORGET THAT AND WILL DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO SEND THE JEWS PACKING BACK TO WHERE THEY CAME FROM, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.   aziz anom

Is the Quran from God?

When I first read the Quran in the English translation many years ago I was puzzled. I couldn't understand why God found the need to praise himself -- and so lavishly. If a human did that he would be laughed at and dismissed as childish. I turned to my father for an explanation. "Who wrote this book?" I asked him He looked at me as if I had gone off my rocker. To him, and to millions of other Muslims in the world, it was given that the Quran was the word of God and that was that. But I am convinced that it is not the word of god. God (if he does exist) cannot be a child nor a fool. He has no need to make himself important or great. He KNOWS he is. There are just too many strange things in the quran to convince anyone with even a little intelligence that it is the work of a man or several men. Here are a few: Those who deny Muhammad's revelations are like dogs. 7:176 "Allah is the best of plotters." 8:31 Exhort the believers to fight. They will win easily, because disbelievers are without intelligence. 8:65 Don't try to enjoy this life. The fun starts after you die. (If you are a good Muslim, that is.) 9:38 Allah supported Muhammad with armies that no one else could see. 9:40 Solomon was taught the language of birds. 27:16 The Jinn and birds fought in Solomon's army. 27:17 Those in hell must eat from a tree with the heads of devils, and then drink boiling water. After that they return to hell. 37:62-68 If bad stuff happens to you, it's your own fault. 42:30, 42:48 Allah made the stars as missiles to throw at devils. 67:5 Only religious people help orphans or those in need. 107:1-3 Allah struck Moses with lightening and then revived him just so that Moses would thank him for it! 2:55-56 Muslims are the best people. Most Non-Muslims are "evil-livers." 3:110 When it's time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can't find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6 And if that's not enough for you then check out the following videos: