The argument against Christianity and other religions.

Here is Bertrand Russell presenting a case against Christianity which I believe can apply equally well to most other major religions:
http://users.drew.edu/~jlenz/whynot.html

The monster of Bahrain.

The king of the little island of Bahrain, a scumbag with the name Khalifa, sent his troops at 3 in the morning to Pearl square where peaceful protesters (some with their babies) were sleeping. Without previous warning the soldiers opened fire. In this brutal crackdown at least 5 were killed, including a child, and some 2000 injured. And as if this was not enough, doctors and medics and ambulances and blood donors were prevented from reaching the scene. Now I ask you: Does this Khalifa shit and his family of goons have any right to continue to rule over the people of Bahrain?

The Christian Zionists in Washington.

Once again the morally debased rulers of America have blocked a resolution in the UN that would have condemned Jewish settlement activity in Palestine. They think they are doing Israel a favour when in fact all they are doing is inciting more hatred towards America and its Zionist master (yes, it is the tail that is wagging the dog). The protests now exploding all over the middle east will eventually result in the disappearance of all the American stooges (traitors to their own people) and the emergence of new leaders who will tell America in no uncertain terms that the game is over and that they should take a hike if protecting Israel's outrageous behaviour is all they are interested in.

Why Are American Cable Viewers Deprived of Al-Jazeera (But Pay for Fox News?) | World | AlterNet

Why Are American Cable Viewers Deprived of Al-Jazeera (But Pay for Fox News?) | World | AlterNet

The role of Aljazeera in the Egypt uprising.

I wonder if the successful overthrow of Mubarak would have taken place so easily without Aljazeera's continuous coverage of the street protests. I mean in the old days repressive regimes hid the truth from their people but now, with international TV, everyone knows what is happening around them. More than anything else (Facebook included) I think it is Aljazeera that Egyptians have to be thankful to for their freedom.

Now that the criminal ruler has departed, the job is to rid Egypt of all those Mubarak cronies and recover the money they have stolen from the country. Unfortunately the new military rulers are in no hurry to do that since they themselves have benefited from Mubarak's rule. I predict more street protests. And more uprisings in other countries. To the chagrin of Western countries and the Zionist state.

What kind of friend has Israel been to the US?

The following is the answer from writer Mark Glenn:

http://crescentandcross.wordpress.com/2006/11/09/israel-we-bless-thee/

Mubarak is just one of many tyrants America loves.

Some of the others are:

1. Paul Biya, Cameroon
2. Gurbanguly Berdymuhammedov (or Berdymukhamedov), Turkmenistan.
3. Teodoro Obiang Nguema, Equatorial Guinea
4. Idriss Deby, Chad
5. Islam Karimov, Uzbekistan
6. Meles Zenawi, Ethiopia
7. King Abdullah Bin Abdul-Aziz, Saudi Arabia (the picture above).

Obama calls Mubarak.

The telephone rings and Mubarak picks it up.

Obama: "Hello, Hosni."

Mubarak: "Hello Barack, why you call me night time?

Obama: "Did I wake you up?"

Mubarak: "I sleep...."

O: "Sorry Hosni, but things are getting scary for you and for us here in the US."

M: "What you talk about?"

O: "All those protesters calling for your head"

M: "Oh, that...Tomorrow I tell bastards I no stand for re-election."

O: "But if you did that we are both screwed. Come to your senses, man! Who will look after our interests if you disappeared?"

M: "I no disappear...I no fool, Barack!"

O: "What do you mean?"

M: "Tomorrow you know"

O: " Look, just cut the bullshit. We want you to stay in power and carry out meaningful reforms NOW."

M: "Oh, like reform you promise Americans? Don't worry, My promise false also."

O: "Don't insult me, you little shit."

M: "I sorry. Very, very sorry."

O: "Now get back to sleep -- and stay in power. I will continue to make the right noises for you."

M: "I happy you help, Barack."

Mubarak slams the phone down and turns to one of his henchmen: "That black man want I offer HOPE AND CHANGE, like he did."

H: "He harami, sir."

Don't let Mubarak flee Egypt.

No, the bastard needs to be put on a donkey and taken around Cairo so that the long suffering Egyptians can slap him around. Then he should be flung into prison for the rest of his life.

Have sex and be healthy.

According to an article somewhere sex is good for you (as if we didn't know). It said the following:

1. Sex helps relieve pain.
2. For the ladies! Semen may be an anti-depressant.
3. For the gents! Sex may reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
4. Sex is a good workout.
5. Sex can help keep colds at bay.
6. Sex helps you sleep.

Keep screwing, folks!

Traitors galore.

It seems there is no shortage of fools in the Arab world. The latest to join their ranks is Saeb Erekat, the chief Palestinian negotiator in the so-called peace process with the Zionist state. This scumbag, according to the leaked documents published by Aljazeera, offered most of Jerusalem to the Jews in exchange for peace.   The Fatah leaders of PLO are like children. What they don't realize is that Israel is a perfidious state with whom discussions can never yield meaningful results. Iran understands this very well which is why it is arming itself to the teeth for the final battle to come. Hamas understands it too. I just can't wait for the time when all these idiotic and corrupt leaders in the Arab world would have disappeared from the face of the earth -- along with the Zionist occupiers of Palestine.

Video of Sudanese woman being flogged for wearing trousers.

After Tunisia, the Arab dictators are shaking in their underwear.

The following article by Robert Fisk appeared in the U.K's Independent newspaper:

"The end of the age of dictators in the Arab world? Certainly they are shaking in their boots across the Middle East, the well-heeled sheiks and emirs, and the kings, including one very old one in Saudi Arabia and a young one in Jordan, and presidents – another very old one in Egypt and a young one in Syria – because Tunisia wasn't meant to happen. Food price riots in Algeria, too, and demonstrations against price increases in Amman. Not to mention scores more dead in Tunisia, whose own despot sought refuge in Riyadh – exactly the same city to which a man called Idi Amin once fled.
If it can happen in the holiday destination Tunisia, it can happen anywhere, can't it? It was feted by the West for its "stability" when Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali was in charge. The French and the Germans and the Brits, dare we mention this, always praised the dictator for being a "friend" of civilised Europe, keeping a firm hand on all those Islamists.
Tunisians won't forget this little history, even if we would like them to. The Arabs used to say that two-thirds of the entire Tunisian population – seven million out of 10 million, virtually the whole adult population – worked in one way or another for Mr Ben Ali's secret police. They must have been on the streets too, then, protesting at the man we loved until last week. But don't get too excited. Yes, Tunisian youths have used the internet to rally each other – in Algeria, too – and the demographic explosion of youth (born in the Eighties and Nineties with no jobs to go to after university) is on the streets. But the "unity" government is to be formed by Mohamed Ghannouchi, a satrap of Mr Ben Ali's for almost 20 years, a safe pair of hands who will have our interests – rather than his people's interests – at heart.
For I fear this is going to be the same old story. Yes, we would like a democracy in Tunisia – but not too much democracy. Remember how we wanted Algeria to have a democracy back in the early Nineties?
Then when it looked like the Islamists might win the second round of voting, we supported its military-backed government in suspending elections and crushing the Islamists and initiating a civil war in which 150,000 died.
No, in the Arab world, we want law and order and stability. Even in Hosni Mubarak's corrupt and corrupted Egypt, that's what we want. And we will get it.
The truth, of course, is that the Arab world is so dysfunctional, sclerotic, corrupt, humiliated and ruthless – and remember that Mr Ben Ali was calling Tunisian protesters "terrorists" only last week – and so totally incapable of any social or political progress, that the chances of a series of working democracies emerging from the chaos of the Middle East stand at around zero per cent.
The job of the Arab potentates will be what it has always been – to "manage" their people, to control them, to keep the lid on, to love the West and to hate Iran.
Indeed, what was Hillary Clinton doing last week as Tunisia burned? She was telling the corrupted princes of the Gulf that their job was to support sanctions against Iran, to confront the Islamic republic, to prepare for another strike against a Muslim state after the two catastrophes the United States and the UK have already inflicted in the region.
The Muslim world – at least, that bit of it between India and the Mediterranean – is a more than sorry mess. Iraq has a sort-of-government that is now a satrap of Iran, Hamid Karzai is no more than the mayor of Kabul, Pakistan stands on the edge of endless disaster, Egypt has just emerged from another fake election.
And Lebanon... Well, poor old Lebanon hasn't even got a government. Southern Sudan – if the elections are fair – might be a tiny candle, but don't bet on it.
It's the same old problem for us in the West. We mouth the word "democracy" and we are all for fair elections – providing the Arabs vote for whom we want them to vote for.
In Algeria 20 years ago, they didn't. In "Palestine" they didn't. And in Lebanon, because of the so-called Doha accord, they didn't. So we sanction them, threaten them and warn them about Iran and expect them to keep their mouths shut when Israel steals more Palestinian land for its colonies on the West Bank.
There was a fearful irony that the police theft of an ex-student's fruit produce – and his suicide in Tunis – should have started all this off, not least because Mr Ben Ali made a failed attempt to gather public support by visiting the dying youth in hospital.
For years, this wretched man had been talking about a "slow liberalising" of his country. But all dictators know they are in greatest danger when they start freeing their entrapped countrymen from their chains.
And the Arabs behaved accordingly. No sooner had Ben Ali flown off into exile than Arab newspapers which have been stroking his fur and polishing his shoes and receiving his money for so many years were vilifying the man. "Misrule", "corruption", "authoritarian reign", "a total lack of human rights", their journalists are saying now. Rarely have the words of the Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran sounded so painfully accurate: "Pity the nation that welcomes its new ruler with trumpetings, and farewells him with hootings, only to welcome another with trumpetings again." Mohamed Ghannouchi, perhaps?
Of course, everyone is lowering their prices now – or promising to. Cooking oil and bread are the staple of the masses. So prices will come down in Tunisia and Algeria and Egypt. But why should they be so high in the first place?
Algeria should be as rich as Saudi Arabia – it has the oil and gas – but it has one of the worst unemployment rates in the Middle East, no social security, no pensions, nothing for its people because its generals have salted their country's wealth away in Switzerland.
And police brutality. The torture chambers will keep going. We will maintain our good relations with the dictators. We will continue to arm their armies and tell them to seek peace with Israel.
And they will do what we want. Ben Ali has fled. The search is now on for a more pliable dictator in Tunisia – a "benevolent strongman" as the news agencies like to call these ghastly men.
And the shooting will go on – as it did yesterday in Tunisia – until "stability" has been restored.
No, on balance, I don't think the age of the Arab dictators is over. We will see to that."

The Crescent and the Cross

Children's Day

Children's day is celebrated around the world on various days of the year and this of course is a good thing. The only question is: Are we doing enough for the children who are not so lucky and growing up in dysfunctional families or no families at all and who suffer abuse at the hands of adults? Just the other day I heard a child crying in a public toilet. Instead of being comforted, the little one was given a loud slap. I do not know whether the man coming out later with the boy was his father or somebody else. I have met a man who said he had been beaten as a child by his father. And I have known two women who told me that they had been brutally raped early in their lives. With all these abuses taking place of children, is it any wonder that some one million people commit suicide around the world every year! For make no mistake, the main cause for self-destruction can be found in emotional scars from the past. How should we protect our children? I do not know the answer to this. I just urge everybody reading this to do their best.

Bollywood films -- what a load of crap.

One by one Bollywood films are flopping at the box office and still the producers churn out the same sort of garbage, films with flimsy plots and meaningless over-acting. Expensive sets and good looking players do nothing to save the films. On the other hand low budget productions which reflect the real India are becoming more popular. The reason very likely may be that the Indian viewers are not as stupid as studios believe they are. One can count on ones fingers the number of producers and directors who have got it right -- among them Aamir Khan. And I have admiration too for music directors Nadeem Shravan. Good luck to them.  aziz anom

White women in Britain converting to Islam.

It has been reported that more and more white women in the United Kingdom are embracing Islam -- even taking up the burqa. Have these women gone bonkers or what?! Who in her right mind would want to do that in this modern age of knowledge! But I suppose not everybody in the west has had a proper education. All that anybody who is thinking of becoming a Muslim has to do is to read the first few passages of the Quran, the Muslim "holy" book, to discover that the book, at least in some sections of it, is addressing God and not man. If it had been written by God then surely it would consistently be directed towards human beings.

I wonder if the people who were around Muhammad when he was preaching his concoction would have believed him if they had had some training in critical thinking. Highly unlikely.They would probably have laughed him off and today Muhammad would have been part of a long list of failed "prophets".

Israeli claims that it won its wars on its own is a lie.

1967 6-day war : A shopkeeper friend of mine was sitting, as he often did, outside his shop in Singapore when a western tourist passed by and fell into conversation with him. The tourist turned out to be an American, a former pilot in the US air force, now retired and living in the Philippines. He revealed that during the 6-day war, most of the Israeli planes and tanks were manned by the Americans, he being one of the pilots, as the Jewish forces invaded Sinai, the Golan Heights and the West Bank. During this war a US warship called Liberty was bombed by Israel. This deadly attack has never been fully investigated by the US. One can only surmise that Washington simply had to keep a lid on the incident because an investigation would have exposed America's participation in that war, that it was probably a case of friendly fire from planes flown by American pilots. 1973 Yom Kippur war: This war was apparently well planned by the Egyptians and the Syrians. According to a former officer in the Egyptian army whom I met in Scandinavia while he was on some course of study there, the plan to go to war was kept from the Russians who had supplied most of the modern weapons to the Egyptians, including the SAMS (the surface to air missiles). This officer, along with his colleagues, was ordered by Cairo to move the Russian advisers away from the Suez Canal where the SAMS had been installed. Then, according to the officer, the order to launch an attack came from Cairo not by telephone or radio but by a messenger travelling by road from Cairo to the Canal. The order was to first hold their anti-aircraft fire until the Egyptian air force had completed its mission to bomb enemy positions in Sinai and had returned to their bases. After that the SAMS were to shoot down all planes in the sky as the ground forces crossed the canal and took up positions on that side with their anti-tank weapons. Apparently this was a huge success, the Egyptians destroying 40 Israeli planes in the first day of the war as reported by well informed sources at the time. Subsequently, according to a former CIA operative now retired and also living in the Philippines (on the island of Leyte) whom I met when I was in that country, the Israelis lost hundreds of their tanks and were in danger of losing most of their air force. They faced certain defeat and extinction. But the Americans had already stepped in and were bringing in new hardware and pilots and tank crews. This CIA man himself had been sent there to help the Israelis. If you want to read the full story, go to my other website at: http://rbt.tripod.com/index-12.html aziz anom

Huckabee, the fat hypocrite.

I am fascinated by films such as "Elmer Gentry" with Burt Lancaster which was in theaters many years ago. In it a scoundrel of a man teams up with a female preacher to spread Christianity. There are loads of such characters in real life. One such is the former baptist pastor Mike  Huckabee, now showing his true colors every week on the Fox channel. This scum of a man wants to execute Julian Assange, the founder of Wikileaks, and has previously asked why the Zionists should not be allowed to keep on building settlements on the West Bank --  'on their own land', as he put it. One can put up with hypocrites but a hypocrite who wears the cloak of religion, that's a bit too much.   aziz anom

Should the Zionists vacate the whole of Palestine?

Some of the most ardent supporters of the Palestinian people (George Galloway, The Young Turks, etc.) are, to my dismay, reluctant to go the whole hog and say that the Zionist occupiers of Palestine should go back to the countries they came from. They only want the Arabs to set up their state on the West Bank within the 1967 borders. In other words, according to them, if most of the rooms in your house have been occupied by criminals you should not demand that the criminals get the hell out of the house but settle for the rooms left to you. Would any human being be able to do that? Of course not! Get real, people.

Does Iran already have the bomb?

Iran is reported to have acquired very long range missiles from North Korea. Is it then not likely that it has also bought a few nuclear devices from that country? Buying them is much cheaper than going about making one yourself. Can we therefore assume that what Iran is saying is true, that it is only engaged in producing nuclear energy for peaceful purposes?

Chavez, the true patriot.

Chavez, the President of Venezuela, has invited his flood-stricken countrymen to move into the presidential palace during the emergency while he himself will move into a tent donated by Gadafi of Libya. Can you imagine another head of state doing this? This man has indeed a heart of gold!

Sex, alcohol, drugs and the Saudi royal family.

The following is from an article in Britain's Guardian newspaper, describing one of Wikileaks' cables: "US diplomats describe a world of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll behind the official pieties of Saudi Arabian royalty. Jeddah consulate officials described an underground Halloween party, thrown last year by a member of the royal family, which broke all the country's Islamic taboos. Liquor and prostitutes were present in abundance, according to leaked dispatches, behind the heavily-guarded villa gates. The party was thrown by a wealthy prince from the large Al-Thunayan family. The diplomats said his identity should be kept secret. A US energy drinks company also put up some of the finance. "Alcohol, though strictly prohibited by Saudi law and custom, was plentiful at the party's well-stocked bar. The hired Filipino bartenders served a cocktail punch using sadiqi, a locally-made moonshine," the cable said. "It was also learned through word-of-mouth that a number of the guests were in fact 'working girls', not uncommon for such parties." The dispatch from the US partygoers, signed off by the consul in Jeddah, Martin Quinn, added: "Though not witnessed directly at this event, cocaine and hashish use is common in these social circles." The underground party scene is "thriving and throbbing" in Saudi Arabia thanks to the protection of Saudi royalty, the dispatch said. But it is only available behind closed doors and for the very rich." What a bunch of hypocritical bastards, these royals!  I am sure they are not the only ones in the Muslim world. aziz anom

Bravo wikileaks!

I wonder how many men would have Interpol running after them because their condoms broke and they were simply unable to discontinue with the screw, disregarding the pleas of their partners to stop? This scenario is apparently what is emerging in the Assange saga, according to some sources. But then we have to ask: Did the condoms break during sex with both the women? Surely this is highly improbable. Conclusion: The two women are lying. I say again that the Swedish prosecutor is corrupt and he should be taught a lesson so that others are not tempted to take bribes also from the Americans or anybody else. Supporters of Assange have launched a massive cyber attack on every individual and organization that is complicit in his incarceration and who are trying to put a brake on Wikileaks. Hats off to Wikileaks.  aziz anom

George Galloway Savages SKY NEWS!

Noam Chomsky's comment on wikileak's cable on Iran.

"Perhaps the most dramatic revelation, or mention, is the bitter hatred of democracy that is revealed both by the U.S. Government – Hillary Clinton, others – and also by the diplomatic service........They pretend to each other that the Arab world regards Iran as the major threat and wants the U.S. to bomb Iran........when they know that approximately 80% of Arab opinion regards the U.S. and Israel as the major threat, 10% regard Iran as the major threat, and a majority, 57%, think the region would be better off with Iranian nuclear weapons as a kind of deterrent. What counts to them is what they claim is said by Arab dictators – brutal Arab dictators..."

Canada, another lover of Zionism.

Aljazeera recently showed on its program FAULT LINES how pro-Israel Canada has become, even outperforming the U.S. of A. This was news to me. And if it was news also to Al-Quida and the other Muslim fighters then we could expect a spate of bombings of Canadian targets. What these western lovers of Zionism don't realise is that the world has changed. Victims of injustice no longer take things lying down, like they used to. Perpetrators of crime and their supporters now have to live in perpetual fear of being blown up. Canadians beware!

Are Swedish judges on the take?

After the rape charges against Wikileaks founder Julian Assange were initially dismissed by the Swedish courts as being without legal merit we now see that that country is once again trying to arrest Assange. What has changed the minds of people who were once considered by the world as models of decency and fair play? Anyone who has lived in Scandinavia knows that a man who wants sex does not need to rape a woman. The females there are some of the freest in the world; sex to them is like eating and drinking; if they feel like it they indulge in it without reservation. And just look at Julian Assange --  Is he not young looking and handsome? Thousands of women would scream to screw with him. So the question is: Who got to his two female accusers and who got to the legal eagles? The answer is clear to anyone who has got a brain and a little understanding of world politics and the criminal role played in it by the Americans. They say every man (and woman) has his price, so we have to ask: How much money did these people demand from U.S.agents for selling their souls? aziz anom

Arab zionists

Wikileaks has revealed what we have known all along, that the various autocratic Arab rulers are more interested in protecting their own skins than in advancing the interests of their people or the interests of their brothers in occupied Palestine. How low can these scumbags get!? To do the bidding of America and the Zionists, to go so far as to even ask for an air strike on Iran! When will the Arab masses rise up to remove these shameless bastards from their thrones?

Bollywood song 3

Thanksgiving for the genocide of native Americans.

Americans are having a "Thanksgiving Day" but what really is this day where they sit with their family members in front of a grilled turkey? If they knew they would choke on the bird. This day actually marks the successful slaughter of most of the native American people. Yes, America and some other countries where the Europeans settled such as Australia came about as a result of an unspeakable crime. This day should not be for merry-making. It should be a day of atonement. aziz anom

Mubarak, the fat crook.

It is the tragedy of Egypt that, although Mubarak was standing right next to Sadat, all the bullets flew past him and not through him. I am of course referring to the day Sadat was assassinated. This man is crooked to the core and now, after some thirty years in power, it is reported that he wants to stand yet again as a candidate for the upcoming elections in that country. Is there any doubt that this bastard would be declared the winner by his henchmen? Even though Egyptians now hate him so much! aziz anom

The king of Sri Lanka.

King Paksha or Rajapaksha of Sri Lanka is another ruler smitten by power. He flashes huge smiles while continuing to play dirty. What was once a thriving democracy has been transformed by him into an absolute monarchy, where elections are rigged, the press brutally suppressed and the man who successfully fought the Tamil Tigers, army chief Fonseka, behind bars. The raja sits on the throne, smiling, while his relatives -- all the other Rajapakshas -- control most of the ministries and departments of state.. "Aay Bhovan" everybody, and pass that kiribath please. aziz anom

Bollywood song 2

barbaric halal slaughter

Watch this video and see if you can still eat meat.

The meaningless Haj pilgrimage.

Do Muslims ever give a second thought to all the rituals they are supposed to perform? The Haj pilgrimage to Mecca seems to me to be a total waste of time and money, especially if you are coming from a distant place. I am sure that if Allah existed he would have had the sense not to subject his followers to such a trying experience. There would have been no use for it and certainly no use for stones being flown towards the "devil". Allah would have taken care of the devil himself. Indeed He would not have allowed the miscreant to exist in the first place. Many of the pilgrims die in Mecca and many more fall sick and for what? A friend of mine went on such a trip and while he was "stoning the devil" he himself got stoned from behind by a rock falling short of its target. Peace be upon you! Or should it be piece of rock?

Bush lies about waterboarding

Gangster Bush came out recently claiming that waterboarding is not torture. Here is his fellow-American, Jesse Ventura, telling the truth about waterboarding:

"Walk By Faith Not By Sight.."

Recently I received from a relative in Madurai, India, a little story about an American Indian boy being initiated into manhood by his father. The apparent moral of the story was:

"Just because you can't see God,
Doesn't mean He is not there.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."

What, I must ask, is the purpose of having blind faith when we have been given eyes to see and a brain with which to think and reason? Blind faith can lead you astray whereas eyes and reasoning prevent you from believing in falsehoods. This is such simple logic that I find it hard to believe that some people don't see it.

Why do Americans hug so much?

The thing that annoys me when watching TV is to see Americans hugging each other so much. I abhor hugging, except a woman I like. Hugging as well as shaking hands involves the risk of catching some bug from the other. The fellow might even have a foul body odor or be a faggot, who knows. I think Americans would be well advised to adopt the custom prevailing in Buddhist and Hindu societies, namely to simply clasp your hands in front of your face and give a nod.

Was Muhammad illiterate?

Malaysians are living in the dark.

On a recent trip to Malaysia I tried to gauge Malaysian people's awareness of their own politics and was surprised to find how ignorant they were of what was happening around them. To take an example -- the on-going trial of Anwar Ibrahim for sexual misdeeds. There was not one amongst them who thought the man had been falsely charged and I was talking not to uneducated people but to a lawyer, an accountant, an estate agent, a couple of university students and others like them. If you, like me, had followed the man's first trial and are following the present one you would be inclined to dismiss the trials as a farce and pronounce Anwar Ibrahim innocent.

Geert Wilders of Holland.

Geert Wilders, the leader of the Dutch freedom party, may be a racist bastard but in my opinion he has a point regarding Muslim immigrants in general and the Muslim women's veil in particular. The Muslims, with their fanatical Islamic beliefs, are totally unsuited to a European way of life and it is understandable that on the streets of Holland and elsewhere in Europe they are an eyesore to the local population. Wilders has got the Dutch politicians by their throats and is about to get his wish -- the elimination of the disgusting habit of Muslim women to wear the full veil. Wilders should have gone even further by insisting on a ban of the headscarf as well.

Divorce in Malaysia

Malaysia has a high rate of divorce, specially among the Muslims, and it is not difficult to see why --  Islam. The world's most sexually restrictive religion does not allow couples to date and so they go into marriage blind-folded, so to speak. Not having got to know your partner beforehand you wake up one day to discover that you have ended up with the wrong person. Divorce. aziz anom

The zionist settlements on the west bank.

I say let the Zionist gangsters continue to build their settlements, for they are not going to be able to use them for long. Sooner than anyone thinks they are going to be dragged out of them so that the Palestinians now languishing in refugee camps can take over. aziz anom

Pope, the clown

I just can't help breaking out in laughter whenever I see the king of the catholics -- the Pope -- as he parades around in his outlandish "fancy dress costume" with a silly headgear. That this clown, this protector of child rapists, should be able to exert so much influence on so many people is remarkable. When will the Roman Catholics wake up to the fact that they are being duped by their masturbating, sex-crazed priests!    aziz anom

Eating dates for frequent urination.

Are you bothered by an urge to urinate at night, making you get up several times from your bed? I have a suspicion that eating dates will solve your problem. Give it a try and let me know if it has worked.

Keep away from Kuwait Airways.

You might have come across my site about Kuwait Airways with the title "Kuwait Airways -- probably the worst airline". Well, recently I have received a couple of badly written letters from some religious nuts, presumably Kuwaitis, decrying the use of alcohol by me and defending their primitive family values and shifting the blame for my damaged luggage to India. Let me tell these idiots that the people of South India where I travelled to are far more honest than the crooks populating the Persian Gulf (I know that from personal experience) and that if they want to look for drunkards (and fornicators) they should look no further than their corrupt rulers who, as soon as they leave their country, grab a bottle of whiskey and a sexy whore.

Julian Assange, victim of America's dirty tricks.

Any well informed person would tell you that the charges of rape filed against him in Sweden are false. We all know how the CIA and the Pentagon have behaved in the past and it is no surprise that they are now out to discredit Mr. Assange for exposing their blatant lies about the war in Afghanistan.   aziz anom

Why doesn't Allah save the Pakistanis?

Ever wonder why God (Allah to the Muslims) doesn't care about the Muslims, even though they pray, fast, perform pilgrimages to Mecca and do other pious things? Look around the world today and you see Muslims suffering everywhere -- Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia and now Pakistan where floods have ravaged the country, bringing misery to millions. What is Allah thinking? Is he perhaps dissatisfied with the followers of Islam who, when one considers their practices, essentially treat Him as a buffoon who loves to be flattered and cajoled into giving favors and who considers sharia as a humane set of laws and who treats women, our mothers, as garbage? Surely this Allah must be very angry with the Muslims and now doesn't care a hoot what happens to them.   Some angry Muslim would probably write to me to say that it is not just the Muslims who are suffering, citing the case of Haiti. Sure, I say, it is not just the Muslims who treat God as a buffoon. I am simply writing here about the Muslims because they are such fanatics when it comes to religion and because they consist of a very large proportion of humanity. aziz anom

Zardari flies while Pakistan drowns.

The criminal Zardari has once again shown what a bastard he is. While Pakistan drowns in the floods, he trots around Europe in his private plane visiting a chateau in the south of France which he bought with the money he stole from his countrymen. Here are some jokes which illustrate the hatred Pakistanis feel towards him:   Long lines A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line. "Did you manage to kill him", everyone asks him. "No, that line is longer than this one", he replies.    Robber meets Zardari Robber: "Give me all your money!" Zardari: "Don't you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari." Robber: "OK. Give me all my money."   TV anchor announcing: Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters."   aziz anom

A dim-wit meets a jail-bird.

That's a reference to a meeting that took place between Sarah Palin of the US and Asif Zardari of Pakistan. aziz anom

The obnoxious Israelis

Those of you who have travelled around a lot and stayed in guest houses and hotels would undoubtedly have come across the phenomenon of the unpopularity of Israeli tourists amongst the owners of such establishments. Israelis are simply unwelcome because of their aggressive, rude and quarrelsome behaviour and because of their stinginess. What causes this behaviour? Well, one could put forward a hypothesis here and see how it goes. Once upon a time, early in the last century, a group of European Jews calling themselves Zionists hit upon the idea of creating a Jewish homeland in Palestine on the grounds that there was a state of Israel there some two thousand years ago (it was conveniently overlooked that the Jews were originally immigrants to Palestine, their race having begun with a chap called Abraham who resided in what is now Iraq). We can divide the European Jews of the time into good guys and bad guys. The good guys (along with all the civilized world) were horrified at the thought of establishing a state in a region where the Arabs already lived, forming more than 90% of the population. It would be highly immoral, they said. The bad guys didn't give a damn for this opinion and began to move to Palestine with the blessing of the wily British who even issued a document called the Balfour Declaration which went something like this: "His Majesty's government views with favour the establishment of a Jewish homeland in Palestine..." The other European nations also were in favour of Israel in Palestine; primarily because there was no love lost between them (Christians) and the Muslims; and also because they wanted to see the back of the Jews (a case of killing two birds with one stone). And so it was that the good guys stayed where they were or went to other places -- mostly to America, especially to the big apple (New York) -- while the bad guys poured into Palestine, driving away the Arabs from their homes and lands and turning them into refugees in miserable camps. Today the bad guys continue to terrorize the Palestinians, killing them off whenever it suits them, torturing them, demolishing their homes, laying waste their agricultural lands and building walls between them. It's called crimes against humanity but the world, under the leadership of religious people like Bush and Blair, looks the other way, preferring instead to wage wars against those who would put an end to Zionism. The bad guys therefore have free reign to continue to commit their atrocities and have lots of time left over to travel the world as tourists where they just can't help revealing themselves for what they are -- bad guys. aziz anom

General Wesley Clark --another biased American.

Do these American politicians and generals really believe in the garbage they spit out on Aljazeera? The latest was General Wesley Clark who on the program Fault Lines could not understand (or pretended to) why Iran wanted to pick a fight with the Zionists and why it was pursuing a nuclear weapons program. Let us tell this idiot that if Israel, North Korea, Pakistan and India have the bomb then it is understandable that Iran too should want one, if only as a deterrent. Is he deaf to the threats to attack that country coming out of his country and from occupied Palestine? Yes Iran, unlike the traitors who rule most of the Arab world, does want to send the Zionists packing back to where they came from and if he does not understand that then he should go back to school and study a little bit of history. aziz anom

Iran tries to stone a woman to death.

What kind of human beings would subject an Iranian woman to be pelted with stones until she died? Would you be able to do it? I know I wouldn't. But ask a fanatical Muslim and he would say that this is what sharia law demands and since sharia is from god it cannot be questioned. There is little point in arguing with these idiots, telling them that such barbaric practices have no place in any society, Muslim or non-Muslim, and certainly not for an act of adultery. They will come up with some lame excuse or another to justify their cruel behavior.    Coming up with lame excuses is very common among Muslims, specially among those who pretend to be educated. I have received one or two letters from such people who have read my websites and I can tell you that their arguments are laughable. I simply ignore them with contempt.   To say that sharia is from god is to insult god, if he does exist. And if god is revengeful, as Muslims believe he is, then surely these pious Muslims can themselves expect to be stoned in the hereafter. aziz anom

brazil's jails

Recently there was a program on TV about the horrific conditions in Brazil"s prisons. It made me sick. I am sure such conditions prevail in most prisons of the third world. What are politicians in those countries thinking? Do they expect the criminals to somehow get reformed under those inhumane conditions or they just want to forget about them and let them rot till they die?   A better solution to the problem of crime in my opinion is to abolish all prisons, give the criminals on conviction a few lashes on the back side and let them do slave labour in a factory or on a farm while at the same time teaching them appropriate behavior in a special school. Just think how much money society would save by employing such a method and the speed with which these people would be inclined to become better citizens? aziz anom

Turkey should cut all ties with Israel.

Turkey recalled its ambassador from the Zionist state after the attack in international waters on the Gaza aid flotilla. Now Turkey says it will not send its envoy back until the Zionists apologized for their outrageous behavior. What?! I exclaimed to myself when I heard that. Were the Turks really willing to do that after all those fiery speeches they made just a short time back? Do they have such short memories? So this is my message to them:   Wake up, you wimps, you don't want any more relations with that bastard state, not now, not under any circumstances. If you don't cut off all ties with it you will lose all the respect you have gained after that horrific incident on the high seas. Demand that the Zionists be punished -- no, go even further, tell them, like that grand old lady, Helen Thomas, did, that they are occupiers of Palestine and that they should go back home to Poland, Germany, America and elsewhere. aziz anom

Is anti-Israel the same as anti-Semite?

Why can't the morons on the Fox channel and other American media get it into their heads that just because someone has made a remark against Israel it does not mean that he is an anti-Semite? aziz anom

Helen Thomas, a woman to be admired.

What the hell is wrong with telling the truth? It seems that in America Zionism is as sacred as the bible, perhaps more so because people nowadays, if they talk about Christianity at all, do come up with negative comments about the "sacred" book and hardly anyone raises an eyebrow. But say anything unflattering about the Jewish state and you are castigated vehemently, like Helen Thomas was.   She told the truth about that odious state, that the Zionists are occupiers of that land and that they should "get the hell out of Palestine." Now she has to pay the price for her honesty and give up her job.   The real power in America resides obviously not in the White House but in the Israel lobby, that vile collection of rich gangsters posing as Americans but working for a foreign state.    aziz anom

The zionist criminals must be taught a lesson.

This illegal state of Israel, created with the blessing of Islam-hating west, has to be removed from the face of the earth. It is a danger not only to the Arabs but to all decent people around the globe. Not satisfied with robbing the Palestinians of their land these obnoxious animals continue to terrorize anyone who does not accept their distorted point of view, as we just saw in the Mediterranean with ships carrying supplies to Gaza. It is now time for everyone to face the fact that there is a devil in their midst and they have to stop talking and start acting.   aziz anom

Pakistan, an area of pitch darkness

Pakistan has just announced the blocking of 800 websites because of their "blasphemous" content. I suppose that would include this blog as well. All this comes as no surprise to me for I have long held the view that that country is one of the most backward in the world, primarily because of their obsession with religion which makes them intolerant of other viewpoints. It does not occur to them that they might be wrong, that Islam might not be from god, that it was perhaps the brainchild of Muhammad himself. Deprived of a proper education a Pakistani is unable to think independently of his society, unable to search for the truth. All he wants is the Quran, the Hadith and the Sharia. The result -- this insane blocking of websites.   Any muslim who wants to learn about the origin of his religion should read MUHAMMAD by Maxime Rodinson. Aziz anom

Ghost again

The other night, while I slept alone in my locked room, a hand touched my arm. I awoke with a start. I looked around but there was no one. Incidents like this convinces me more and more that there is another dimension to life about which we human beings know little about. If you too have experienced similar happenings, feel free to tell me about them. aziz anom

Doctors warn against wearing Hijab/Burka

Hijab and burka-wearing Muslim women are putting their health at risk because they do not get enough sunlight, doctors have warned aziz anom

Islamic headscarves and burqas

Muslims (benighted, most of them) say that their women are following their religion when they hide their hair and faces. What I would like to ask is why some 30 or 35 years ago hardly any Muslim female in for example Malaysia or Iran had herself covered? Did Islam suddenly change? Of course not! Which means the change came about because Muslim's beliefs changed, mostly beliefs of Muslim men who somehow felt threatened by female sexuality. It is these uneducated men who have begun to suppress their women-folk and now these poor women think that it is Islam that forbids them from looking attractive. I hope more countries would follow Belgium's example and make it illegal for any woman to wear such outrageous "costumes". aziz anom

Blair in Malaysia

Why didn't Muslim Malaysia arrest Blair while he was there? This bastard should have been charged with war crimes in Iraq. Do Muslims stand a chance of getting some kind of justice in this world when their fellow-Muslims let them down like this?

Who is behind the bombings in Iraq?

Before the American invasion of Iraq the people of that country did not attach any importance to being a Sunni or a Shia. Even now I don't think they care what sect their fellow Iraqis belong to. The popular perception is that it is the outsiders who are creating the division between the two people and the finger is usually pointed at Al-Quida. But why should Osama bin Laden be so interested in creating such a mess in a Muslim country when his avowed enemies have always been America and Israel and the Arab leaders he considers traitors, leaders such as Mubarak and the Abdullas. What could he possibly gain by killing ordinary citizens of Iraq? The answer in my view is that it is not he who is behind the suicide bombings but some other outside force -- and that force is Israel! The Zionists have been known to employ every dirty trick in the book to keep a Muslim country from developing and becoming strong enough to help the Palestinian people regain their lost land. It serves their interest to keep Iraq in chaos and what better way to do that than to sow dissension between the Shias and the Sunnis. It was after all the Zionists who prodded America to invade Iraq in the first place and is now prodding them to do the same to Iran. Check out the following website: http://www.iamthewitness.com/Bollyn/Bollyn-Balkanize_Iraq.html

Catholic criminal priests

After the sex abuse scandal surrounding the Vatican, does anyone now really believe that religious people around the world are worthy of respect? All the scums in the churches, temples and mosques should be dragged out and exposed for what they are. The world would then be a much safer and a healthier place.

Doctors get permission to kill 32 million more Americans.

As noted elsewhere on this blog, whenever doctors are unavailable for treating patients the death rate among these patients drops. You wouldn't expect that, would you? But that's what happens. That is because doctors are largely treating the symptoms of a disease. They haven't a clue what is causing the disease because their training has not focused on diet and exercise. So don't think this new health reform in America will help the hitherto uninsured people. It will more likely expedite their journey to the hereafter. aziz anom

Was Israel behind the 9/11 attacks?

Check out this web page:

http://whatreallyhappened.com/WRHARTICLES/fiveisraelis.html

A zionist insult to the Americans

Have the Americans lost all self-respect? The Israelis gave Joe Biden a slap in the face regarding settlements on occupied west bank and still all the Americans could do was to go softly softly on their miscreant friend. Have they no shame, these Yankees? When will they realize that the Zionists are a burden on them and continuing to tolerate their vile deeds will only serve to bring on another "9/11". aziz anom

Fake inquiry into the Iraq war

Why is it that every time the British conduct an inquiry into the criminal behavior of Jesus-loving Blair, it ends up with a whitewash and the Chilcot thing going on now is headed that way too. Surely there are some decent people in Britain who could have been picked for the inquiry, people who were devoted to truth, people who were not beholden to any politician or the government! aziz anom

passport fraud in Dubai

The west created and supported Israel. Now, it seems, their creation has turned into Frankenstein which has come back to haunt them. Europeans and Australians, whose passports the Zionists forged to murder a Hamas man in Dubai, want answers but don't seem to be getting any from their criminal friend. Serves them right. aziz anom

Is sufism a mild or a wild form of Islam?

Sometime back I attended a wedding of the son of a cousin in Colombo, Sri Lanka. The cousin had become a Sufi and he took us to one of his Sufi gatherings where they were jumping about like madmen and shouting "Allah O Akbar" (God is great), presided over by a visiting sheik from somewhere. I found it hilarious. To get some idea of what I saw I give you the video below. The music here has obviously been superimposed on the chanting but who knows, these screwballs might actually have had it on, mosque or no mosque.

To those of you who know a little about Islam it might appear as though these fellows are making a mockery of their religion. If Allah existed what do you think he would say to all this? I think his response would go something like this:

"Look here, you fools, there is no need to tell me that I am great. I know I am! Flattering me as if I were a child will not get you into heaven. It will get you into the other place."

My apologies to the cousin.

genocide of armenians and native americans

Turkey is angry that the American congress has passed a resolution describing as "genocide" the killing of Armenians by the ottoman Turks a century ago. I say to the Turks: instead of being angry, you bloody fools, pass a resolution of your own telling the holier than thou Americans that they themselves have committed genocide -- against the native Americans, not to mention the enslaving of the Africans. aziz anom

Mosab Hassan Yousef, a Palestinian puppet of Israel

The eldest son of a founding member of the Palestinian organization, Hamas, has said he worked as a spy for Israel for more than ten years. I first heard about this fellow on the BBC and found it hard to believe his story, not because he did the Zionist's dirty work (there have been quite a few Arabs like him before) but because of his attacks on Islam and his conversion to Christianity. On Fox TV he went even further by saying that while he was in an Israeli prison he witnessed Hamas members torturing other Hamas inmates. I was convinced then that this traitor to his own people was not telling the whole truth, that he was very likely saying what his Israeli masters wanted him to say. aziz anom

Clinton's double standard.

Hillary Clinton came out unscathed from a recent meeting sponsored by Aljazeera, with a bunch of mostly meek Arabs in the audience. After watching this, one no longer wonders why the Arabs are such losers. The question that nobody put to this bitch should have been this: You are so keen to punish Iran for its nuclear activities but are not willing to lift a finger at the Zionists for breaking so many international laws. Why this double standard? aziz anom

The myth of democracy

How many countries are really democratic? Not many, I would say. Apart from western Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Canada the rest are more or less autocratic.  Notice that I have not included the United States among the democracies. The reason for that should be obvious to anyone who has some interest in politics but let's mention a few things about that country: if you are not loaded with money, don't belong to one of the two parties (Republicans or Democrats), have no major TV station to back you up, your policies run counter to the big corporations, are not married, aren't religious and don't support Israel, you have absolutely no hope of entering the white house or the congress. aziz anom

Osama and obama

Imagine if these two guys had switched their positions -- Osama becoming the president of the U,S. and Obama taking the leadership of Al-Quida. You would think that there would be a dramatic change in world politics. Well, not exactly. What is likely to happen is that the Zionist lobby would immediately murder Osama  before he could even open his mouth to drink a cup of tea (cheered on no doubt by the Fox News Channel); while Obama, no matter what he says about "change you could believe in" would simply be laughed at for being such a hypocrite and subjected to a session of intense Islamic preaching until he can no longer take it and embraces Islam. aziz anom

Haiti and Gaza

American presidents, past and present, are scrambling to help Haiti, which is of course a good thing. But are they really touched by the suffering of the Haitian people or are they just putting on a show? I say it's all humbug, for think of their reaction or lack of it to the other "earthquake" that rammed the people of Gaza when the Zionist thugs dropped bombs and chemicals on everyone and everything, committing a heinous war crime. There wasn't a single finger raised to protect and help those people; indeed the Americans as well as the Europeans cheered the thugs on and they are still cheering, leaving the people of Gaza to keep on suffering to this very day. Are the Haitians more human than the people of Gaza? Go figure. aziz anom

Allah and the Malaysian muslims

Muslims are probably some of the most ignorant people on earth in modern times, which is why it was so easy to convert them to Islam in the first place. I mean what knowledgeable person with even a modicum of education would want to convert to this religion if he had been able to read and understand the Quran and if he knew a little about the story of Muhammad. Do the Muslims in Malaysia know that Allah simply means god in Arabic and that that name was used by the pagans of Arabia to refer to their pre-Islamic god which they worshiped around the Kaaba. The Christians of Malay speaking Malaysia and Indonesia have also been using Allah for centuries to refer to their god. So there is no excuse whatsoever for Muslim mobs to indulge in the bombing of churches over this issue. aziz anom

Obama, a fake and a fraud.

The more I come across anything about Obama, the more I hate the bastard. A fine speech-maker but boy what a fake, what a fraud. I saw through him the moment he took office, as noted in this blog elsewhere. Does anyone now think that this skeleton of a man would be re-elected? Well, judging by the education level of the American people, he might very well be, in the same way Bush was. America, unlike Europe, is obsessed with religion. Any country that is religious is immature and lacking in knowledge. I am referring here to the general population and not to the few scientists and thinkers who have made America strong and powerful economically and militarily. aziz anom

Letter to aljazeera's empire program

Mr. Marwan,   In your recent edition of EMPIRE I was hoping that somebody on your panel would raise the question whether Israel's very existence on Palestinian soil was legitimate or not, but unfortunately nobody did, including you Mr. Marwan. There is much talk everywhere, including on Aljazeera, about two state solution, etc. This is like saying that the robber who has occupied part of your house has a right to remain there. I say that a criminal act cannot and must not be rewarded; that the criminal must be punished. The Zionists therefore must dismantle their state and go back to the countries they came from. That is the only solution that is just.     I don't know what you believe about Israel's so-called victories on the battlefield. Those victories were the result of active western military support. My accidental research has revealed just that. Please check out my site at:  http://rbt.tripod.com/index-12.html   Best wishes, aziz anom

fraudulent women

One has to be very careful when trying to make a woman who appears to be attractive or beautiful. She might not be that at all under the make-up she invariably puts on. In fact she might be positively ugly. This is plain and simple fraud on their part. Don't these lasses realize that the man will sooner or later find out what they really look like and then it will be one hell of a shock for him, very likely making him take to his heels, leaving them back on square one.

Tiger Woods gets horny

The story of Tiget Woods having multiple affairs should teach us all that no matter how beautiful ones wife may be there comes a time in a man's life when he craves sex with other females. One simply gets bored doing it with the same woman. There has to be variety in our lives, meaning that the institution of marriage is unnatural. Muhammad, the founder of Islam, knew that. The problem with him was that he limited to four the number of women each of his male followers could have whereas he himself slept with as many as he wanted. What a selfish man. Also he ignored the needs of his female followers by denying them the right also to screw with four men. aziz anom

Warmonger Obama wins Nobel peace prize

Who are these idiots sitting in Oslo with peace prizes to hand out. They could have seen through this hypocrite, Obama, in the early days of his presidency, if not during the presidential campaign. Did they really believe that he was a peace maker?   This bastard has broken nearly all his promises and simply continued with the horrendous policies of that criminal Bush. He does not deserve this Nobel peace prize. What he deserves is a whack on his head and for good measure a doze of water-boarding until he admits that he is only interested in his own survival. But he won't survive for long. Four years in the Oval office is all he will get, for no one is more hated than a hypocrite.  aziz anom

religion 3

The New Statesman of Britain.

You would think that the New Statesman, a left leaning publication, would welcome criticism of the crimes committed by the Zionists, that it would tolerate the view that the illegal state of Israel should be dismantled and that the Jews that settled there should go back to the countries they came from. But no. It would not publish such a comment on their online edition, which goes to show that no matter how far to the left you might be, a westerner still wants the Palestinians to continue to suffer the loss of their land. It all boils down to the all-pervasive hatred of the Muslims, I guess.

Ghosts

Have you ever experienced any super-natural events? Well, I have.   The first time was when I was about 6 or 7 years old. This was way back in the early forties, well before hovering machines such as helicopters were invented, which would have explained what I saw floating above the roof of our house in Ranavav, India. I felt as though someone inside that object was watching me. I don't know why but I remember wanting to throw a stone at the thing (yes, it was so close above me). I don't think I threw anything and my memory at that point goes blank.   The second time was years later in the nineties in northern Thailand in a town called Tat Panom. I had arrived as a tourist and went to a guest house recommended in the guide book. The lady owner of the house informed me that the house was full but that she had another place, and cheaper too, where she could give me a room. She took me there and I found that there was no one else staying there. All went well in the beginning with me alone in the house until I began to hear noises coming from a locked room next to the sitting room where I spent time reading and listening to music on my tape-recorder. I ascribed the noise to some rats that were running around in there. A couple of days later a man and a woman from Europe arrived to stay in the house and they were given the room from which the noises were coming. I saw that it was a normal bedroom like the one I had been given down the corridor and there certainly were no rats. This couple had apparently stayed in the house before during their frequent trips to the town from the house they had built for themselves in the district. They knew the landlady very well and they told me a chilling story. They said that that house was haunted and the landlady knew about it. An American who had also stayed alone in the house some months before my arrival was so baffled by the noises that he had gone around the neighbourhood asking people if there had taken place in the house a murder or a suicide or something. I don't know what he found out but that very night the couple had arrived I heard, in the middle of the night, a knocking on my door. I didn't open the door. Who would want to talk to me at that hour? The couple said they certainly hadn't disturbed me, adding that they too had been woken up -- by the rattling of the chain on the front door which was near their room. They moved out a few days later. And so did I. aziz anom

Religion 2

According to a new study, prosperity is highest in countries that practice religion the least. aziz anom

Just watch this

Religion

Somebody somewhere wrote the following:   "Religion is ultimately dependent on belief in invisible beings, inaudible voices, intangible entities, undetectable forces, and events and judgments that happen after we die." aziz anom

Bollywood song 1.

How safe is your Email?

The following appeared on the internet:

"Do you think an erased email is gone forever?

We've all sent an embarrassing or unfortunate email and sighed relief when it was finally deleted, thinking the whole episode was behind us. Think again. Just because you delete an email message from your inbox and the sender deletes it from their 'Sent' inbox, does not mean that the email is lost forever. In fact, messages that are deleted often still exist in backup folders on remote servers for years, and can be retrieved by skilled professionals.
So start to think of what you write in an email as a permanent document. Be careful about what you put into writing, because it can come back to haunt you many years after you assumed it was gone forever."

Jokes 3

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

A guy walks into a bar carrying an 18" alligator.
The bartender says, "What do think you're doing? Get that goddamn thing out of here. I don't allow pets in my establishment".
The guy tries to explain. "Look he won't cause any trouble. He's well trained and I'll prove it". He then proceeds to put the alligator on the bar and says, "open".
The alligator open its mouth and you can see all of its razor sharp teeth. "Now watch this", he says and proceeds to remove his penis through his zipper and lays his balls gently onto the alligator's teeth.
He then orders a beer and proceeds to drink it. All the while the alligator keeps its mouth open and nothing happens. After finishing the beer the man gently removes his penis and puts it back into his pants.
He then says, "close" and the alligator closes its mouth. "You see he is perfectly trained. He would do that for anybody. Does anyone want to try?"
After looking around he finally here a drunk whose sitting at table say "Sure I'd like to try. But I don't know if I can keep my mouth open that long."

Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

A letter to the BBC

I was listening to your interview on Sunday the 11th with the US military spokesman in Afghanistan about why the US forced AP to erase the footage of the suicide attack on them by the Taliban. The Americans claimed that it was done in order not to compromise their investigation into the incident. What baffled me was that neither you nor your correspondent in Afghanistan put the following question to the Americans: "If you were going to investigate the incident then surely the footage would have been of great help in getting to the truth."

Despite your clumsiness the interview left no doubt that the Americans fired on innocent civilian bystanders. They have done that many times before and they are getting away with it because journalists like you don't do their jobs properly.

Have a good day.

Some interesting remarks from somewhere about marriage

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Think a little before you go through surgery.

Here is something I found somewhere:

SURGERY
Except in a life threatening situation or impending neurologic injury, surgery, with it's many possible complications, should always be a last resort and done only after all conservative treatments have been exhausted. Chronic pain is not a life-threatening situation! It can be very anxiety provoking, life demeaning, and aggravating, but it is not an emergency. Pain should not be an automatic indication that surgery is necessary. Conservative treatments such as vitamins, herbs, massage, physical therapy, chiropractic/osteopathic care, medications, and, of course, Prolotherapy, should precede any surgical intervention. Conservative care is complete only after treatment with Prolotherapy.
It is not uncommon for patients to tell us that surgery has been recommended to resolve their painful conditions. Reasons for surgery are many, but they may have nothing to do with the actual problem causing the pain!
Trying conservative treatments before undergoing surgery is only common sense. In more than 95 percent of our patients, we find that the true diagnosis of the cause of chronic pain is different than the diagnosis the patient had previously been given. Rarely will a physician describe a ligament or tendon injury as a cause of chronic pain. Ligaments and tendons often do not appear on X-rays, one of the primary diagnostic instruments of modern medicine. The diagnosis of ligament or tendon weakness cannot be made by a blood test, electrical test, or X-ray. It must be made using a listening ear and a strong thumb.
Even back in early 1981 as new and more effective methods of conservative treatment were being used (including Prolotherapy), the need for surgery was decreasing. Bernard E. Finneson, M.D., pointed out in a survey of surgical cases that "80% should not... have been brought to surgery." It is quite possible that with the widespread use of Prolotherapy this percentage would be even higher.
In more than 95 percent of pain cases, surgery can be avoided by utilizing Prolotherapy. Dr. Hemwall, having treated more than 10,000 pain patients, resorted to surgery for resolving a chronic pain complaint in only one percent of the patients.
Our experience has been similar. In the event that surgery is necessary, the previous Prolotherapy treatment will not hinder the subsequent surgical procedure. Prolotherapy causes normal ligament and tendon tissue to form. The surgeon will observe an area treated with Prolotherapy containing strengthened ligament and tendon tissue.
Surgery to alleviate chronic pain involves the removal of tissue or replacement with prosthetic joints. To alleviate chronic lower back pain, a surgeon may decide to remove a disc or cartilage tissue. The two questions to ask are, "Who put that tissue there? For what purpose?" We believe God placed disc tissue there to stablilize and cushion the lower back, and cartilage tissue in the joints so that bones glide smoothly over one another. What happens when the disc and cartilage tissue are removed? If the disc is removed, the vertebral levels above and below the surgerized segment develop proliferative arthritis. This is due to these segments having to carry more of the force than they were designed to carry in the lower back. If cartilage is removed, the bones no longer glide smoothly over one another. Soon after this, a person notices a crunching of the joint where the cartilage was removed. This crunching sound is arthritis. The end result of surgical procedures that remove cartilage, ligaments, and bone from knees, backs, and necks is often arthritis.
In 1964, John R. Merriman, M.D., compared Prolotherapy versus operative fusion in the treatment of instability of the spine and pelvis and wrote, "The purpose of this article is to evaluate the merit of two methods of treating instability of the spine and pelvis, with which I have been concerned during 40 years as a general and industrial surgeon... The success of either method depends on regeneration of bone cells to provide joint stabilization, elimination of pain and resumption of activity. Ligament and tendon relaxation occurs when the fibro-osseous junction to bone do not regain their normal tensile strength after sprain and lacerations, and when the attachments are weakened by decalcification from disease, menopause and aging."
Dr. Merriman summarized that conservative physiologic treatment by Prolotherapy after a confirmed diagnosis of ligamental and tendinous relaxation was successful in 80 to 90 percent of more than 15,000 patients treated.
Despite the many advances of modern technology, surgery is fraught with many dangers. Dr. Hemwall administered more than four million injections in over 40,000 patient visits without even one permanent injury. In the last 38 years, I do not know of any serious long term consequences from Prolotherapy. The procedure is done in the office, takes less than 20 minutes in most cases, and does not require time off from work. No pre-op type anesthesia is needed, hence no risk of serious complications due to anesthesia. Compare this to a surgical procedure, where general anesthesia is used to knock you out. There you are lying on a table, unconscious. The anesthesia alone leaves you exposed to many possible complications, including cardiac arrest, overmedication, or death. Take a look at a pre-surgical consent form some time - the risk of death is clearly laid out. If you are a healthy person, the risks are low, but common sense dictates: why take any chances when a more conservative treatment is available? Anyone given the option of surgery versus Prolotherapy should try the more conservative option first. Other reasons to avoid surgery are:
1. Rehabilitation is much longer after surgery than for more conservative treatments, sometimes requiring many days of hospitalization and months of rehabilitative therapy.
2. The cost of surgery is astronomical compared to more conservative treatments. Prolotherapy of the ankle runs a few hundred dollars, as compared to tens of thousands of dollars for ankle surgery and all of the hospitalization and rehabilitation expenses. And that's not even to mention the added cost of Prolotherapy which may still be needed if the surgery doesn't work!
3. Surgery is much more traumatic to receive. It puts a great stress on the body and can sometimes cause the patient to feel less confident using the surgerized limb.
4. Surgery irreversibly alters the patient's God-given anatomy.
5. Surgery can have all kinds of complications which cannot begin to be touched on in a book of this scope. One study of arthroscopic ankle arthrodesis (ankle fusion) showed an overall complication rate of 55 percent, including infections and continued pain.
Finally, all the surgery in the world cannot cause the new growth of healthy tendon and ligament tissue; at best, the pain may be alleviated, but for all the expense, risk, and trauma, the underlying cause of pain may never be addressed. Prolotherapy is a safe, simple, inexpensive, effective, and proven cure for chronic pain.

Jokes 2

When the new school year started the history teacher was so excited because there were three little Indian boys in her class. She was beside herself with excitement. So she asks the first little Indian boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he was from and how he knows this.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest & takes his fist and hits it on his chest. He says in a booming voice " I am a Cherokee. My Father and I walked for many moons and one day my Father says son, you see all this land. This is Cherokee land. So, I know I am a Cherokee."
The teacher says very good and asks the next little Indian boy to stand.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest & takes his fist and hits it on his chest. He says in a booming voice " I am a Comanche. My Father and I walked for many moons and one day my Father says son, you see all this land. This is Comanche land. So, I know I am a Comanche."
The teacher is growing more excited by the moment and asks the last little Indian boy to stand up.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest & takes his fist and hits it on his chest. He says in a booming voice " I am a Fuckawee".
The teacher looks dumb founded & says "I don't think there is any such tribe as the Fuckawee."
The little boy says, "My Father & I walked for many days and many nights, and many nights and many days. We ran out of water, but we kept walking. With no rest, we were getting weary. Finally, one day my Father stops and with his hand to shield the sun from his eyes, looks around.
"He said hummmm, where the Fuckawee"
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There was an Amish girl that had just come of age to date. Her mother was helping her get ready to go out that night.
As she was about ready she put on some gloves, because it was to be cold that night, and the Amish still ride in buggies.
Her mother asked, "why are you wearing gloves?" She continued by saying that it wasn't lady like to wear gloves.
The Girl said to her mother, "it's supposed to be cold tonight, what do I do with my hands if they get cold?"
Her mother replied, "just stick your hands between your knees, and they will get warm." So the girl agreed. Her date picked her up and they went on there way.
On their way home her hands got cold, so following her mother's orders, she stuck her hands between her knees.
Her date looked over and said, "what on earth do you have your hands between your legs for?"
She replied, "my mother told me that if my hands got cold, to stick them between my legs to get them warm."
Her date said to her, "well my dick is frozen solid do you care if I stick it between your legs to get it warm?"
The girl said, "well I don't see any harm in it." So he did.
After returning home from her date she asked her mother, "What do you know about them there dicks?"
Her mother said, "Why what do you know about dicks?"
The girl looked at her mother and said, "All I know is that when they thaw out they make an awful mess!"
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A group of Asian women were visiting a village somewhere deep in Africa when they came across a trader selling human breasts.
One of the Asian ladies asked the trader, "Why are you selling women's breasts?"
The trader replied, "Locally, we have found that consuming the flesh of a woman's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis."
Hearing with interest about the 'enlarging the penis' the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast.
"Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast."
"Give me the price of each." said the Asian lady impatiently.
"The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says, "white breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound."
The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast booth.
"Hey, not bad! Asian breasts are worth more!", said one of the Asian ladies.
"No no no, you don't understand," the trader explains, "you don't know how many Asian women we have to kill to get one pound of breast!"
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The Salesman's Scoreboard

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling his wares. He is in the middle of nowhere when his car breaks down, he leaves the car and starts walking and reaches a small farm house. He knocks and a middle aged man opens the door.
The salesman asks him for a place to sleep in the night. The farmer tells that he has only one room with a bed and on that he and his wife (who turns out be gorgeous) sleep. So the salesman sleeps on the bed with the farmer and his lovely wife.
In the middle of the night the farmer's wife gets horny and asks the salesman to come over to her side and fuck her! The salesman points towards the snoring farmer and whispers, ''He'll wake up!''
The farmer's wife replies, ''He's a sound sleeper. If you don't trust me pull a hair out of his ass and you will see that he won't wake up!''
The salesman tries and the farmer does not wake up. The salesman and the farmer's wife get into a fucking session. They repeat the act several more times that night and the salesman plucks a hair out of the farmer's ass everytime he goes to fuck the wife.
Finally the farmer wakes up and says, ''Hey, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but can you stop using my ass as a scoreboard!?!''
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The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams.
One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"
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A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I''ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know sh*t?"

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first.
Susie said your heart, 'cause you need it to love.
Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think.
Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet."
Confused, the pastor asked why.
Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends . One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St.Peter and said, "St.Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can't find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn''t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I'm in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn't!''

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A few weeks later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward.
"At least they're finally together."
"Excuse me, Father," says one of her sons, "but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"
"I mean her legs."

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, ''Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention ... the assembly line for the automobile changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want.'' Ford thinks to himself about it, and says, ''I want to hang out with God Himself.''
The befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, ''When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?'' God asks, ''What do you mean?'' ''Well,'' says Ford, ''You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly need repainting, and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. fuel consumption is outrageous.
...just to name a few.'' ''Hmmm ...,'' replies God, ''Hold on a minute.'' God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, ''It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were riding on an elephant. A group of bystanders were watching intently. All of a sudden someone in the croud shouted, "Hey look that elephant has two assholes on it!"
Bush and Cheney looked down at the elephants ass, confused.

A young priest was visting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn't have any soap. He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him. He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue. When the nuns came to him, one said, ''Look! A new soap dispenser!'' Another said, ''How you get the soap?'' So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ''Look! I got a bar of soap!'' said the nun. The second nun pulled on his dick.
''Look! I got liquid soap!''

Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''
George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''
And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?''

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn respectable. So he met with her one day and began slowly warming up to her.
"Oh, my child," he said, "your dress is most lovely."
"Thank you, Father," she replied.
The radio was playing and they danced a little as they talked.
"Oh, my child," said the priest, "your conversation is most lovely."
"Thank you, Father," said the prostitute.
Finally, the priest sat her down and said, "Oh, my child, there is one thing I have against you."
And the prostitute said, "Yes, I know, Father. I felt it while we were dancing."

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

Little Johnny and his father were walking down the street one day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them.
The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady.
Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag."
Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?"
"Oh, that's just another name for women," replied his dad.
"Oh, okay," said Johnny.
The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave.
While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh shit," he said.
"Daddy, what's shit?" asked Little Johnny.
"Oh, that's just another name for shaving your self," replied his father.
Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking a turkey. As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand. "Fuck!" she yells.
"Mom, what's fuck?" questionned Johnny.
"That's just another word for cooking the turkey."
"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.
All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside.
"Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady.
"Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs shitting himself and my mom's downstairs fucking the turkey."

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."

She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell."

St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."

She says, "That's okay. I've already got holes for that."

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What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

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Why do hippos do their romancing underwater? You know how hard it is to keep a five-hundred pound pussy wet? <<...

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A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."

So, he gets a cup of coffee. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"

The other guy says, "No. You can have it."

The guy takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

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How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean.

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THE LIFE OF AN EGG
==================
So you think your life is bad?
Just think how bad the life of the egg is....

You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft.
You have to share a box with 11 other guys.
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother!
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MAN AND WIFE
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A man and his wife were driving on the highway when a state policeman appeared in their mirror, obviously wanting them to pull over. The man pulls over and the officer approaches the car:

State cop: License and registration please
Man: I'm sorry officer, what seems to be the problem?
State cop: I clocked you on radar doing 75mph.
Man: There must be some mistake, I was only going 65.
Wife: Oh Harold, you were going at least 80!
State cop: I'm also citing you for having a tail light out.
Man: But officer, I wasn't aware it was out.
Wife: Oh Harold, you know its been out for two months.
State cop: I'm also fining you for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: But officer, I just took it off as you were approaching my car.
Wife: Oh Harold, you know you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Listen you dumb cow, shut your mouth!!!
State cop: Ma'am, does he always talk to you this way?
Wife: Only when he's drunk.......
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Do nuns give oral sex?
A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance & see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fullfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."